across - NCT NA JAEMIN FF

fourteen

"I'm just...so angry knowing that you got hurt at my expense."

I meant that, but I didn't know it until the words just tumbled out of my mouth.

I think about what happened on the rooftop and whether tomorrow we'll go back to the hate. Honestly? Not constantly biting each others' heads off isn't so bad.

"The only reason I grew to hate you was because I never understood why you hated me."

Why does she hate me? I still don't fucking know.

KIM YUN

"The only reason I grew to hate you was because I never understood why you hated me." His words echo in my head while I stare into to the dark.

It's stupid. All of this. Our feud. I know it, but I don't want to do anything about it. I'm too prideful.

"I'm just...so angry knowing that you got hurt at my expense."

It's hard for me to believe, but he meant it. I may not be sure of where we both stand now, but I know that none of the things we said were lies.

I didn't want to leave the rooftop. It was nice. Knowing that he knew, and that someone is gonna be here for me now. But I knew he wasn't gonna go until I did, so I felt bad.

Due to my wandering mind, I toss and turn in bed for the next few minutes then let out a frustrated groan. I get up, put on a sweater and set out with the need for some air.

I pass the stairs, of course, and bow politely to the guard before I cross the street where the park is located. I go to the spot where the boys and I usually hang out and stop when I see a hooded figure. I can't see much because it's dark.

"Jaemin?" I ask nervously, recognizing his broad shoulders and exceptional proportions.

His head turns my way and he squints. "Yun? What are you doing out?"

I walk toward him and sit on the grass. "I needed to think. I couldn't sleep."

He lowers himself and squats as well, around the same distance we were on the rooftop only hours ago.

The view from here is the city. Our apartment is kind of elevated and we have the privilege of seeing Seoul from such a nice angle.

"How are you feeling?" he asks me.

"I don't know...many things I guess."

"Well, I have all night."

I glance at him briefly while he stares into the distance.

I clear my throat and breathe out. "For one, scared," I fumble with the sleeves of my hoodie. "If he finds out you guys know then..." I wipe away a few tears. "And if I don't show up? What if he does it to someone else?" I let myself cry for a bit before continuing.

"I'm r-relieved too. It is so h-hard...so fucking hard to go to school everyday knowing what I'm g-gonna have to go through after c-class..." I stay quiet to steady my breathing. "And I don't want the boys to know. What will they think of me?

"You know they love you right?"

I scoff and sniff. "You didn't think so last Sunday." I say jokingly, but he looks serious.

"I didn't mean that..." he tells me. "I don't know where it came from, but none of that is true. Of course they love you, it's kind of annoying how much they talk about you even in the group chat that I made exclusively for not talking about you."

A smile creeps unto my face. "How nice," I mumble sarcastically.

He smiles back faintly. "They love you Yun. They're not going to be angry or react the way I did.