A Feeling Of Normality [Bucky Barnes x Reader]

Part 10. A Little Dispute.

"There have been opportunities. You just never used them" counters [Y/N]. Her eyes sparkle challenging at Bucky and he inevitably grins. He loves that kind of thing about her and is glad that her mood is a little better.

"Right" he mumbles, slightly embarrassed and wonders if he should thank her now. But she would never expect him to thank her. Often enough, she has convinced herself that Bucky would have done the same for her, even though this theory is very questionable. He is still standing in the doorway and his thoughts are racing as he ponders how he can actually thank her. [Y/N] can probably already see small clouds of smoke coming out of his head because she grins even wider.

"Nothing to thank me for. The most important thing is that you are fine... well, and that this Zemo-guy is in jail." Bucky flinches briefly at the memory of Zemo. A lot has happened that day and he still wonders how Steve can still stand by him despite everything. But that's what Steve is like: he doesn't judge Bucky for his actions because he knows he had no choice. Everything Bucky had done was against what he had always stood for. These thoughts alone make Bucky restless again and his body inevitably stiffens.

"Why did you stay?" He concentrates on his counterpart again to distract himself from his own thoughts.

"Running away didn't feel right at some point, I guess" admits [Y/N]. "I used my strength to help... for the first time, actually. After Natasha offered me to leave or stay... I had the feeling that the former was not even an option." Bucky only answers that question with a grin. "What?" asks [Y/N] but grins as well.

"That was a classic Avengers answer. Steve would surely be proud of you."
[Y/N] laughs and throws a pillow at Bucky.

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Night falls in the new headquarter of the rest of the Avengers. [Y/N] stands in the large hallway on her floor and realizes how stupid her defiant reaction had been on arrival. She asked directly for her room and just knows where the bathroom is. She couldn't even find the way to the kitchen without difficulty. It had been stupid to leave the room anyway. She is now even more aware of this when she takes a few steps backwards and lets her gaze wander. This building is huge. And she doesn't want to accidentally stumble into a medical center patients room. Suddenly, the door behind her opens and Bucky looks at her with sleepy eyes. "I know that you can tame earth but are your feet made of concrete?" He yawns, but then recognizes the dejected and surprised expression on her face. He is wide awake immediately, worrying about his friend. "Are you alright?"

[Y/N] still looks very surprised and realizes that Bucky's room must be very close to her own. "I can't sleep" she admits, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Bucky can't help but feel sorry for her. The argument with Steve seems to bother her more than she'd like to admit. But then he remembers something that might lift [Y/N]'s mood. "Tea?" he grins at her and [Y/N] has to giggle. She would like to say yes but the thought of sitting in someone else's kitchen is a burden for her. And suddenly, she feels torn. She wants to be around Bucky but she is not after a warm drink at the moment. Bucky can't read minds but he still sees that [Y/N] is fighting with herself and already suspects that she just doesn't want to be alone. He takes her hand and carefully pulls her into his room. "Come on, I'll keep you company."

"Thank you" mumbles [Y/N] embarrassed and follows Bucky to his bed. His room looks very different from hers. It's smaller, without a room divider. There is only one large bed, a TV and some shelves. The bed looks like he hasn't touched it, it doesn't have a crease. Only then does [Y/N] notice that Bucky picks up the pillow and blanket from the floor and puts them back in bed.

"The camp beds... back in World War two" he tries to explain, feeling slightly uncomfortable and awkward now. "The bed. It's like lying..."

"On a marshmallow? Steve mentioned that once. So you still have trouble sleeping?"

"Not more, maybe a little less."

"Nightmares?"

"Now and then."

"That's good" replies [Y/N] and smiles gently at Bucky, who is now sitting in bed next to her, taking care to keep his distance. "Forgive me if I'm too curious... But what happened in Wakanda? I mean... Steve told me a few things but who knows what to believe."

"You know Steve is not a liar. But if I were him, I would have told you the real reason for the visit earlier. I understand your anger."

"I don't think you understand" sighs [Y/N]. Bucky just cannot understand what it is like to spend months with a man you consider your best friend and then find out that he has secrets from you whilst you have always been honest. "I'm sorry. I know he's not a liar. And I'll talk to him tomorrow, I promise."

"You don't have to promise me anything." There is a short silence between the two of them. "I've been..." Bucky sighs. What he is about to say sounds completely stupid in his head. "I let myself be put on hold for the time being. I wasn't thawed again until my... I would call it therapy... started. My programming got erased." He sighs again. "I'm sorry. That sounds totally stupid. But it's the truth."

[Y/N] has to grin slightly. "No more stupid than genetic engineering on humans to make them into living fighting machines." Her gaze becomes more serious but also softer, when she looks at Bucky and they lock eyes. "That means no more Winter Soldier?"

"Just his demons in my head." Bucky's eyes inevitably widen when he can't believe what he has just said. He himself is shocked at how quickly this honest answer left his lips. It's like he has no choice than being honest and open around her.

"Can I see?" [Y/N] asks cautiously and points to Bucky's new arm. Bucky nods and switches on the night light next to his bed so that the room is filled with a little more light. [Y/N] moves closer to Bucky and her fingers move carefully from his shoulder to the place where a red star could be seen until a year ago. She traces the spot as if the star was still there, only then inspecting the rest. But this time she stops at his wrist because last time their hands touched, he backed away quickly. Bucky's breathing is already a little faster and [Y/N] doesn't want to scare him off again like she did in Bucharest. "Pretty cool" she mumbles and breaks the new silence. She likes the decent look the new arm has.

"Vibranium" Bucky replies cautiously. He has to make an effort not to crack his voice.

"The metal that Steve's shield is made of?" asks [Y/N] in surprise and looks up. Bucky's and [Y/N]'s eyes meet again but their faces are a lot closer after the brief inspection.

"Yes..." mumbles Bucky without taking his eyes off [Y/N]. He gets lost in her [y/ec] eyes. His heart is racing, his breath halting and he can't stop looking into her eyes. And [Y/N] feels similar. Bucky's intense gaze makes her nervous and yet she can't look away. She can feel the cool metal of his arm in her hand and the warmth emanating from the rest of his body. "I was also on hold for a while" she says, her voice barely a whisper. "Most likely froze myself."