Love So Far

Farewell

"I don't care!" I said, tearfully, kissing his other cheek as well. "You're going away from me for two nights!"

"Papa, tell her. My friends will make fun of me." Omar looked at Zafar, helplessly.

"Omar, you're going away for the first time. She's your mother. Let her display her emotions." He told my eldest child.

"Fine." Omar shrugged. "But no more kisses. I'm a big boy, Mamma."

"You'll..."

"Always be my baby." He and Zafar finished for me in unison, before laughing.

We were in the parking lot of Omar's school, where the coaches were waiting for the kids. Zafar and I had come to drop him off, and it was not easy for me.

"The teacher is waving the students over." Zafar said. "Fari, we should leave now."

"I want to stay until the coaches drive away." I insisted. My heart was already sinking at the idea of my boy being away from me for two nights. He had stayed over at his Nana Jaan and Nano's house before, but that was different. Even Bhai had been there then. Now he was going with basically a bunch of strangers.

I recited Ayat-ul-Kursi over him and blew it all over him. "May Allah protect you and safely bring you back to us. Ameen. And if the driver drives too fast, especially in the mountain area, let Papa know when you get to Islamabad, and he'll call up the school to deal with it."

Zafar and Omar exchanged grins.

"Stop it! I'm just worried." I said, defensively.

"I am under Allah's protection, Mamma. I'll be fine, In Sha Allah." Omar gave me a hug. "If you miss me too much, play with Zaid. He always keeps you distracted when you're sad."

"Mera bacha. Meri jaan, meri puri duniya." I burst into fresh tears, and unable to help myself, I kissed his forehead. "Mamma loves you so much."

*"My son. My life, my whole world."

As of yet, I was glad I didn't have any daughters. I was finding it difficult to send my nine-years-old son for two nights! How was I supposed to give birth to, and then raise, a girl to adulthood and send her away from me? I know people always did that, but I couldn't even imagine it. I remember how my own Ammi cried for days after my first marriage. I knew that because each time we spoke on the phone, she cried. For my second marriage, however, she was too relived that I was finally happy.

Reluctantly, we said goodbye to Omar, and returned to our car, with Zafar still cradling Zaid.

"Fariha, you're crying like he's a soldier being deployed." Zafar teased me as we got in the car and he handed our baby son over to me.

"You won't understand." I kissed the top of Zaid's head to comfort myself.

"Nau mahinay paala hai andar, bada kiya hai usay. Usay dour jaatay huay dekh kar maa ke dil pe kya beet ti hai, aap ko kya pata?" Zafar joked.

*"I raised him inside me for nine months, and I raised him. Seeing him go far away from me, what my maternal heart goes through, what would you know about it?"