————————————————————————————————————————————
TW: panic attack, talk of sh, smallest mention of suicide
————————————————————————————————————————————
My wrist hurt more then they should. Lately everything has felt so numb and tiring. My bed feels so nice, I don't really ever leave my room. Mom gets annoyed when i get out of my room just for food and just come back into my room. Tubbo and Ranboo wanna call today cause I haven't really been active anywhere.
I rolled out of my bed and grabbed my only makeup product i own, concealer. As i made my way to my bathroom i glanced at my self in the mirror that was in the hallway,my eye bags are a dark purple, my lips chapped with skinn peeling off, and my eyes just looked lifeless.
My bathroom looked nice ,clean ,mom probably cleaned while i was sleeping. The concealer was slowly running out so i had to make do, i put a lot under my eyes and a bit on my eyelids, a dot or two in between my eyebrows and a line on both sides of my face.
My hands slid under the tap that i didn't even realize i put on, my hands were damp as i rubbed the concealer around my face. "god i look great." I chuckled at my own joke, i washed my hand and walked out to my room.
/////////////////// Time Skip \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
It's been about 30 minutes and I'm just silent in the call. Mom and dad left for work for the next few days so I'm home alone again.
"Tommmmy you alright man ? you're quiet today." Ranboo said, we all had our cameras on so i could see them. Tubbo had a blue sweater with the words milk on it, Ranboo had his merch on, and me well a red hoodie cause gotta cover the arms.
"Hello ? Tommy ?? You alright man ?" Tubbo was talking now, they both shuffled in their seats and sat up straight. "I'm decent, j-just tired guys." my voice was low, gravely even. "You know you don't have to lie Tommy, we're here to talk." I sunk into my chair just a bit. "I'm just tired okay !" I yelled a bit and banged on my desk. They both jumped a bit in their seats, my breathing went a bit fast. "Fuck, shit, i'm sorry, I-i just havent been feeling to well, I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you guys, I'm so sorry." My throat felt like it was closing in.
Ranboo went closer to his monitor "Tommy, it's okay, you're alright, we're alright just got startled." I grabbed my neck with my hand trying to breathe i couldn't i felt so closed in i felt so alone. "Ranboo he's having a panic attack, RANBOO HES HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!" I had tears streaming down my face now my face was locked to a blank expression. "Hey hey hey, how was your day, huh tell me about that."
I looked up at my monitor with my discord pulled up."w-what?" Tubbo looked nervous, fuck I ruined the call. "Tommy tell me about you're day, what'd you eat for breakfast?" My throat was raspy felt rough. "I-i-i had waffles and o-orange Juice." Ranboo chuckled a bit, Tubbo was a bit confused. "Um what about what did you have for lunch, if you had lunch." Tubbo spoke. "My mom ordered me s-some McDonalds cause I-i didn't feel like cooking." Tubbo smiled and Ranboo sighed a sigh of relief. "I hate Mcdonalds so very much."
I chuckled and look at Tubbos person. "How the fuck do you hate McDonalds !?" I said a bit more upbeat. "Yeah Tubbo how do you hate Mcdonalds it's amazing !" Ranboo and I laughed in sync. "THE ONLY GOOD THING ARE THE OREO MCFLURRIES !!"
The laughter died down to awkward yet comfortable silence, I completely forgot i was having a panic attack in front of my best friends, till Ranboo spoke. "You wanna talk Tommy? Remember if you don't want to we don't have to we can just play Hypixel for a bit if you want." I let out a shaky breath. "Um, i-i haven't really been sleeping, i have literal makeup cover my blemishes, my eyes are sagging down everyday and it hurts and i broke my fucking-" I stopped their just sitting in my chair, I wanted to sink into my bee sheets and never get up I wanted to just lay down and fucking sleep.
"You broke your what Tommy ??" Tubbo said looking at my person on his monitor. "I-i broke my clean... streak." i said, my voice low, my head low, everything just low. "That's alright you had a good run, we just gotta try again Toms !" Tubbo was upbeat trying to lighten the mood, Ranboo stood a bit shocked. "When did this happen Tommy ?" Ranboo was just a bit in the shaky mood stage. "3 days ago after your stream where i jokingly said i should kill myself.."
"T-thats alright, we just gotta keep in touch with you, and we're gonna do check ups a lot." Tubbo did a sound of agreement."I'm sorry guys, I didn't mean to like put weight on the call.." "No Tommy don't be sorry, you're okay." Ranboo said with a smile across his face. "Truth be told To my we're glad you told us." I sighed sitting up straighter. "How about we log onto Hypixel and play some games for a bit ?" Ranboo and Tubbo Both yelled excited.
"You guys are awesome."
"We know" they said with cocky smiles.
———————————————————————————————
HYE HEY HEY UM IM GONNA START UPDATING MORE BUT I WAS THINKING OF MAKING ANOTHER BOOK IDK AHHH, BUT THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING PATIENT WITH MY POSTING MWAH MWAH MWAH
-Mellohi 🎶
