Distanced

Part 2: In Which Max Struggles With Space

"Why am I even talking to you about this? You couldn't possibly understand." She growls heavily and punches the glass.

"Hey...hey—I want too. I want to understand the desire to have a dumpster fire every waking moment of the day. So just explain it to me. Make me understand." I say as I lean against the vending machine and place my arm just above her left elbow.

"Since I can't be on Aderall, I can't focus very well. Because I can't focus very well, I am doing multiple things constantly. It helps- it's odd- but it helps. But when everything is going smoothly and there's no reason to be everywhere at once..."

"You feel more out of control. I get that. I do!" She sighs and turns putting her back to the vending machine and closing her eyes as her head tilts upward.

"With all these extra rules and people...I find myself bored. I have down time which...God- it doesn't help. My head is screaming constantly. The adrenaline of working in the ED- it's gone. The bays can be full and...and chaos can be present- but with extra staff...with someone at home...my anxiety is higher than it's ever been and I feel like I'm drowning." She begins to tear up and I honestly don't ever think I've seen her this vulnerable. Bloom is a tough cookie- always. Pulling her into a hug, I'm surprised she accepts it. She folds around me and rests her forehead against my chest.

"Okay...okay- I'll figure something out. I can't help with your new roommate, but...but I'll figure out something. Just, don't worry about it. Okay? We'll get you chaos back...somehow..." As I look up, I notice Helen staring in at us, an eyebrow raised and a serious look on her face. She stalks off after a few seconds of glaring and I just feel like this has gotten worse. "You good?"

"Yeah...yes. I'm fine." She pulls away and wipes her eyes quickly before turning from me as if the whole thing never happened.

"Okay...who can we spare? Who can I move?"

"Start with Reynolds. He doesn't belong in the ED. He belongs in an OR. You can also take Walsh- he's been grumbling about the work schedule anyway."

"Okay...what about Casey?" I ask- interested to see her reaction. It's not hard to see that they have a connection- but is it unrequited where he likes her and she thinks he's just another body in the way.

"No! I mean...no. Casey is fine. He...he understands my chaotic need. He needs it too. Any other floor would ruin him." That's what I thought.

"Okay. We'll start with two. We'll see how that suits you." She nods appreciatively and as I'm about to leave, she draws my attention back to her.

"What's your input on the whole Sharpe thing? I was talking to Floyd and he thinks that it's fine what Cassian said to her- although it is a miracle by all standards and Helen is a big girl who can determine if she doesn't want his support or not- but I said that she should at least take him up on the offer of child support. Don't you think? Whether he wants the kid or not- it's coming and he should pay for it. He's responsible too- but Helen is being stubborn and doesn't want his help if he doesn't want her. What do you think?" What? What the Hell is she talking about?

"Child support?"

"I mean sure, she has five months left before the baby comes- but if I know that asshole- if she says she doesn't want support from him now- and then later on decides she does: he won't give it to her and she'll end up struggling alone with it." She just keep prattling on as if I have a fucking clue what she's talking about.

Baby.

Helen is pregnant with Cassian's baby.

Fucking perfect.

She tells Reynolds and Bloom, probably everyone else- but she doesn't tell me?

I know I messed up I'm not telling her about Alice—but this is huge. This is a new life she'll be bringing into the world.

Her world.

Not mine.

"Max? You're pale- are you...oh...shit. She didn't tell you. Did she?"

"No. She didn't say a thing."

"Fuck...Max- don't tell her I told you! Please! I figured you were the first person she told!  Or even the second! Shit! She's gonna kill me." She panics slightly and pushes her hands against her temples like blinders on a horse.

"When did she tell you?"

"Early this morning. She apparently took a test two days ago. She's really excited- I mean I don't blame her in the slightest. I am however really pissed about Cassian."

"Why?"

"She called him yesterday and told him what was up- the asshole said that he doesn't want anything to do with the kid and he's staying Hawaii because he has this girlfriend he's madly in love with- gonna propose or whatever- BUT he's gonna do the right thing and pay child support if she wants it."

"Hmph- what a gentleman."

"Helen told him no. Said that if he's not avidly going to be in the baby's life that he can just right himself off of it all together and that she can do it on her own. Which I mean- she probably can. She's strong and has a good job so money isn't the issue...my only concern is that emotionally and mentally- she won't be able to do it alone." Lauren confides in me and my heart twists hard in my chest. "Max? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Perfect." I notice her worried face of feeling like she's betrayed Helen by sharing her secret. "Don't worry. I won't tell her you told me."

I smile briefly before walking around her and out of the room.

Helen Sharpe is pregnant.

She's pissed off at me and is keeping me out of the loop.

And!

I highly doubt she informs me of this wonderful news.

I'm interested to see how long she'll go before she informs me.

Probably until after the baby arrives.

I doubt she'll get big.

She's so fucking petite as it is- she's probably only gonna gain a few pounds and that's it.

Let her play the game.

I'm tired of it.

Just tired.