swim || remus lupin

fix you

"Who are you again?"

That night, we returned to McGonagall's office at 10 as requested.

James and Sirius were sent to the dungeons to clean up the common room with no wands, Marlene and Peter to the Forbidden Forest to "learn the proper times for hexes," and Remus and I were tasked with cleaning the Owlery.

While it was a bit of a gross job, Remus and I finished fairly quickly, as usual, and we took to roaming the castle corridors. We had our pinkies linked together as we aimlessly turned corner after corner.

"Do you ever get nightmares?" I asked quietly during a lull in our sarcastic flirting.

"Sometimes," he answered unashamed. "Usually on the night of the moon. Occasionally in between. Why?"

I didn't reply right away. It wasn't that I was embarrassed or hiding things, I was actually quite comfortable with Remus now. But I didn't want him to make a big deal or worry about me.

"Just wondering," I said at last.

"Do you get them?"

I suppose I should have known he would flip the question. I nodded.

"How often?"

"Just since the attack."

"That's not what I asked."

I looked up to find him already scanning me. He had on that familiar expression of concern, his brows furrowed slightly, mouth forming a thin frown. I met his eyes and felt myself getting pulled deeper but I quickly tore away from his gaze.

"Every night," I said quietly.

He unlinked his pinky from mine in order to hold my entire hand, rubbing the side of it with his thumb.

I took a shaky breath before describing the dreams. The vividness of the merpeople, the constant reminders of Theo's betrayal, my newfound fear of the night.

Remus was quiet as I spoke, listening. He seemed to absorb my words, feel my pain. A few times his grip on my hand tightened ever so slightly.

"Every night?" He repeated softly after I had explained the severity of the nightmares.

I nodded.

"Actually," I said, remembering something. "Not the first night."

The night that I had come out of the coma, the images were extremely clear and violent, but when I focused on Remus in my arms I was able to sleep peacefully. That was the only exception.

"What was different then?" He asked. "If anything the first night should have been the worst."

"But you were there," I said.

"Me? What's that got to do with anything?" I laughed a little.

"It's almost as if I like you or something," I mused sarcastically.

"Interesting," he remarked. "My nightmares are worse when you're there."

"Hey!"

"I'm joking!" He laughed. "I understand actually. It's because I truly am your favorite."

"Oh my God," I rolled my eyes.

I hadn't realized it, but our stroll had come to an end, and we were standing outside of the portrait hole.

Remus politely roused the Fat Lady and spoke the password with a brief apology for waking her as we slipped inside.

We walked to the bottom of the stone stairs and he turned to face me.

"I don't particularly like the idea of you going up to your dormitory and having another nightmare," he said with a frown, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I smiled slightly at the sentiment.

"It's okay, Rem."

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes seemingly searching for something in my face.

"You can always come to mine," he said.

"What?"

"My dorm," he cleared his throat slightly. "I dunno, it was stupid."

"No," I stopped him. "Can I?"

He looked back up to meet my eyes with a smile.

"Really?"

"Will the guys be okay with it?"

He shrugged.

"Who cares?"

And so we went.

"Hey, Syd," Pete had said when I entered, as if I were a dormmate of theirs who belonged.

"Hi," I replied.

Although it appeared James an Sirius had yet to return from their detentions, the fifth bed had its curtains pulled tightly and secretively. I looked up to Remus curiously.

"Kingsley," he stated quietly with wide eyes and a thin-mouthed smile that implied Kingsley wasn't particularly fond of his boisterous roommates. I couldn't necessarily blame him.

Remus and I slipped into his bed and I nestled into his chest, wrapping my arms around his torso. I tilted my head back and kissed his jawline.

"I like this arrangement," I whispered with a smile.

"Me too," he said, moving a piece of hair off of my face and kissing my forehead.

I tucked my head in the crook of his neck and felt the building weariness settle in as he drew lightly on my back.

As it grew quiet, the images returned. Tridents, teeth, hands, laughter. But I was able to dissolve them. Instead, I shifted my thoughts to Remus's warm skin against my forehead, my right hand crossing his body to hold his left, his fingers tracing shapes on my back, his steady breathing.

There was no Theo, no merpeople, no water.

There was only Remus, and that was perfect.

_______

A/N

okay so i think i'll be able to finish the next chapter tonight but idk about one for tomorrow ... and then sunday i'll be able to write on the drive home so that should be fine

also tomorrow is my/syds bday and i think two other readers?? so happy bday y'all!!

& at this point syd's life has kind of shifted bc she found the answers to the mermaid/mom/theo questions that have been looming over her, so now her life can focus on other things which is why the chapter titles aren't water related anymore (small detail, i didn't think people would pick up on it dw) but i'm making them song titles that i think fit the vibe/story so would you guys want me to make sort of an ongoing playlist? like the songs in order so you can listen while reading? just a thought lmk🙃🙃

song: fix you - coldplay

how i think it applies: i think it mostly fits with their walk and then to the end, when remus invites her to his dorm. they have a really soft and comfortable relationship, and so when she lets him in on her fears and he instantly moves to help her it's super sweet and safe. also i can picture them laying in bed and the "lights will guide you home ..." part playing and just ugh 

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3uIilURPYXouyAzxQuBr4L?si=tLfGI5MFSeSY_Y0yLWDPlA