It was the anniversary of the dawn winery coming into mondstat. Noelle and Xiangling were baking cupcakes just as Diluc instructed them to. He was wearing a semi-ironic apron that Kaeya had gotten him. everyone else how ever was drinking, and celebrating, the regulars chatting and laughing. What a nice evening. Xiangling and Noelle brought out the cupcakes, all of the flavors you could think of,,,even a couple that seem inedible courtesy of Xiangling. and it was none other than the knights of favonius, celebrating near the tiny corner of the tavern. diluc despised them more than he anyone could imagine, but he supposed he could let them celebrate this once. besides, he even let kaeya join. he could let down his guard this once. jean, albedo, kaeya, lisa , amber and such all sat together, booming in laughter as they all collectively drank down the specially made wine for the anniversary. klee was also there, sipping on her strawberry kiwi caprisun , ocassionally getting a sip or two from kaeya. it was all fun and games until diona showed up, everyone in the vicinity pissed themself, especially diluc after what she's done to his bird. rip sprinkles... :(. she came walking around hearing other people's hesitant conversations, kaeya was threatening klee with the piss drawer, xiangling and noelle were scheduling their lesbian hangout, but it so happened jean and liza were talking about thier favorite desserts. that then gave the mischievous little shit we call diona an idea. a cupcake for diluc!! Diona went up to the captain of the Calvert or what ever, with the smug wojack face mixzed with the Grinch smile together. She pulled on his clothing to get his attention while kaeya was laughing about some story about Diluc falling down a hill when they were kids. "Excuse me Mr. Kaeya, but what's Dilucs favorite flavor of cupcake?" She asked. kaeya scratched his chin for a moment. "hmmm, I think he likes strawberry or those berries you find everywhere in mondstat, I'm sure he's not so picky." He said waving his hand as he spoke. "Perfect..." she rubs her hand mischievously as she ran outside to go grab ingredients. grabbing 1 dead lizard, a crystal fly for crunch, and some spoiled berries for his favorite flavor. Oh how this would be good. diona ran back inside the tavern like a stray cat, going in to raid dilucs kitchen of tools and shit that she needed for this diabolical cupcake. xiangling heard the rucuss and excuses herself from her table with noelle and xinyan, looking inside the kitchen to find diona grabbing a whisk from the cabinet. " Nice seeing you here Diona! What are ya doing? " she approaches the cat girl, looking amused to see her try and bake something. " Well......I wanted to bake something for Mr. Diluc......but I think I might need your help Xiangling... " She looks up at the chef with her big pleading eyes, hoping her act was convincing. " Oh my goodness of course ! What are we making this out of? " Diona smirked evily, bringing out her bag of rotten ROTTEN ingredients. Xiangling smiled comically wide, her eyes glistening. xiangling and diona got right into baking!! diona would occasionally try and plop in the god awful "ingredients" she quickly grabbed outside the tavern. xiangling didnt fall for it, rather she worked with it. "oh is that a lizard in the batter? we can work with this!!" xiangling said mixing the batter in, drowing the poor fucking lizard. Diona added all sorts of ingredients into the concoction, it stunk up the entire kitchen, and it even was starting to slowly seep into where the party was going on. "I feel like we're missing something...." Diona says comically scratching her chin like a girl boss. "What about chilies?" Xiangling asks. "PERFECT!!!!!" So not only was this absolutely horrid but it had random seeds and the vegetable meat of the juyen chilies. They set a timer and waited, once the cupcakes were done baking, they used condensed slime as the frosting mixed with milk, mud and some juyen chili paste, This is perfect. diona hopped out of the kitchen, seeing that the party was still alive and going, spotting all sorts of important figures out in the tavern such as the chief alchemist and the dandelion knight herself. this was her chance to embarrass him in front of the ENTIRETY of mondstadt, even a little of liyue. to end angel shares reputation. she approached the white ass red head with her little cupcake in a tray, with a little candle with the year of the birth of the tavern. she slides the cupcake towards him , sitting on the stool and grinning comically. diluc stared at the concoction , questioningly staring at her. " Well? Aren't you gonna eat Mr.Diluc? " She stared up at him with her big pleading eyes once again, and diluc sat there comically staring at the cupcake. Diluc faked a smile and took it hesitantly. "Of course i will!!" he said fake eating it. he could smell how grotesque it was, the slime, the lizard, the expired berries, he wanted to puke. diona noticed, she wasn't that stupid, cmon! "i know you're faking it mr. diluc.." she said loudly, catching everyone's attention. liza and jean peaked their head up "wtf are you not gunna eat it?? this is the first time diona baked something!! snd ur gunna turn down on it?? cringe" said jean. "yeah wtf bro kinda sussy." liza added. Noelle sighed, whispering into Dilucs ear, "mr. Diluc you don't have to eat it if you don't want to, please don;t force yourself to...". Jean sighed, "Diluc, was your first batch of wine perfect?". "No Jean you know my father made the wine and my workers do too." Diluc groaned. "I don't care it was shit, but you should give Diona a chance. She's like 5 or something...." Xiangling frowned at Diluc. "Give Diona a chance it;'s her first time baking!!!!" She yelled. Diluc looked at the cup cake reluctantly. klee slammed her fists on the table loudly, " MR DILUC !! ITS LIKE AMOGUS !! YOURE SUS , NOW EAT THE CUPCAKE!! OR ELSE WE'LL VOTE YOU OUT !! " she said angrily, pointing at him like she would during her amogus roleplays with the hilichurls. albedo nodded " yes as klee said. this is dionas first time baking, you should give it a chance. Unless you're a coward? " It was almost the last straw for Diluc, he might be a pussy but he's not a COWARD. " Fine whatever you say, CHIEF ALCHEMIST! " Diluc exaggerated the chief alchemist and grabbed the cupcake angrily. No blonde twink thats sleeping with his brother will hurt his pride. Diluc bit into the cupcake a loud ass crunch, either from the bones of the lizard or the crystal fly, it was somehow raw on the inside yet chard on the outside, a mysterious liquid seeping out onto his gloved hand as he bit into it. Thank god it wasnt touching his bare hands, it would burn his hand to the bone. Than there were the chilis, his face slowly became red as he felt like his mouth was on fucking fire, he might be dying. Oh god, NO WONDER SHE DID THIS DIONA WAS PLANNING THIS FROM THE START!!!!. He wanted to vomit but he had to keep his composure or else Lisa would cancel him on twitter.com. He slowly swallowed it and he felt the slim make a thick layer of said slime down his throat and the chilis making it burn... god this was awful. He smiled weakly, he was going to surely die. "I-it's wonderful diona...Thank you." God how he wanted to comically strangle her like a simpsons reference "well?" She says as her tail swishes. "Aren't you going to eat the rest of it?" God she had the biggest shit eating grin on her face. "O=of coarse left me just finish it outside..." he starts slowly walking out. he was outside, recalling all the flavors in his mouth. it was monsterious, he could taste the expired berries that tasted like piss socks, don't ask how he knows what it tastes like SHHHG. the lizard didnt complement the cupkake. it tasted of ammonia and rotten meat. the batter was gritty and sandy because of the dirt, that happened to also have chopped up worms in it for extra flavor. there was also that hit of spice that his white american ass couldnt handle, his face turning red and starting to sweat. diona grinned evilishly in satisfaction waiting for him to come back. the entirety of the knights along with the liyue guests waited in anticipation as diluc was outside vomiting his guts out. diona stared evily at the door , watching the redhead come back in with his face comically mixed with red and green. he limped as he held his stomach sweating. diona started tearing up, seemingly for no reason and diluc sighed waiting for the next thing to come. " N-NOELLE........M-MR DILUC DDDIDNT LIKE M-MY CUPCAKE " she starts wailing, slamming her fists repeatedly on the table. diluc tried his best to speak up under his name but the damage had already been done. jean started scolding him along with lisa, noelle and xiangling holding diona and comforting her through her crocodile tears. they all started crowding him while klee got out her comically large bombs. and then finally, diluc woke up. good. it had all been a yesterdays dream. he couldnt remember what actually happened. and that was until he looked around and found himself with an angry jean and an evily smirking diona in front of him.
