[DISCONTINUED] Drew and Jake's future life oneshots

Oneshot #3 The Cooking Disaster

Suggested by @Zoey15634
Tysm for the idea!^^

[Cuss warning, please leave if you do not approve of cussing]

It was a normal Friday night, Vincent just finished his finals exams so my husband and I got home extra early to cook him a meal and throw a party.

                                              "You got a Blue Apron?!" Drew half yelled asked at me. I nodded my head.

"It's salmon, Vincent's favorite!" I told him, "and you're going to help me make it," I said with a smirk on my face.

Drew sighed.  "Alright fine, how hard can it be?"

We pick the package up from the doorstep and being it inside and walk to the kitchen. When we get there, I place the place on the kitchen island that I already cleaned in preparation. I ripped it open and filed out the ingredients. And, Oh. My. God. There were so many!

"How on earth are we supposed to cook all of that?!" Drew complained. "It looks like they took the most foreign spices,hardest foods to cook and tossed them all together!"

I ignored Drew and arranged the ingredients. Some needed to be put in the fridge so I did that. When I was done, I pulled out the instruction manual. The instruction manual was made out of some sort of spinal, and it was double sided with directions and picture examples of what our food would look like.

Okay, I get why Drew freaked out, this is crazy.

"Ummm, Drew? Want to help me cut cucumbers?"

"I thought we were making Salmon! Why the f**k are there cucumbers?!"

"I don't know! They just came along! Now, will you PLEASE help me?"

"Fine," Drew grunted.

I pulled out the cucumbers and a cutting knife. The directions had written a precise way to cut them.

I started cutting and turned to show Drew.

"We cut them like this," I explain as I slice the cucumber and cut it in half, then on fourths.

"Jake, honey, I love you. But I have been cutting cucumbers my entire life, and I assure you, THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT!"

I laughed and put my finger on Drew's nose, "Why in the world, have you been cutting cucumbers your entire life?" I asked him.

Drew chuckled.

"I just have, alright!" We were both laughing now.

Drew pushed my finger off his nose, "Now you got cucumber juice on me!"

I laughed, "One point awarded to Jake." A smug smirk developed on my face as I spoke.

Drew shoved one of the cucumber pieces I cut in face. "This is revenge!" He yelled at me with laughter. I smiled and returned the laugh.

"Okay, okay. But let's actually cut them now," I said frankly.

"All right," said Drew as he picked up a knife.

       We were finally done cutting the cucumbers. We looked down as they lay before us on the cutting board, all perfectly aligned.

I glanced at the instructions sheet to see what was next.
"Okay, we need to get these," I say grabbing pepper, salt, and other seasonings that came in the package. "And sprinkle them on, then cook the cucumbers with them."

Drew stared down at the ingredients for a moment. "Do I have to eat this too? Because I hate pepper."

I sighed. "Unfortunately, I have to inform you that you are dining with Vincent and I, therefore you will have to eat the disgusting peppered cucumbers. Although it is very much a shame, you can not change your fate. I am very sorry to inform you of this, Sir Drew Sterling."

Drew laughed and threw pepper in my face. I quickly blocked it with my hand. "Sire!" I exclaim, pretending to be shocked. "I can't believe you would preform such a crude act."

Drew smirked. "Come at me b!tch!"

I rolled behind him and threw salt on his back. He turned around and Launched some weird Italian seasoning on me. "Is that all you got?" He asked.

I smiled and whisked around him, as I did so I sprinkled salt on the cucumbers, then back in his face. Drew quickly picked up the pepper and threw it on me. I snatched it out of his hands and threw it back on him. He dodged and picked up another seasoning and threw some at my face. I picked up the cutting board with cucumbers to use as a shield. However, I clearly want thinking because all the cucumbers piled out onto the floor.

"Score!" Drew exclaimed. "No more nasty pepper-cumbers for me!" He said, A smug smirk appearing on his face.

I was honestly a little pissed he had ruined our meal, but I haven't seen him this happy in forever, so I pushed the anger down.

"Lucky you! Now, if you would help me pick up this mess?"

   After we were done cleaning I took the salmon out of the fridge, along with some fruits. I set them down on the counter and looked at the instructions. Damn it, we need the seasonings for this. I sigh. I guess we'll have to cook it without them.

"Drew, can you-" before I could finish my sentence Drew whacked the fish at my face.

"Hey! That's illegal! And SUPER unsanitary; you legit JUST WHACKED A RAW F**K!NG FISH AT ME!" I yelled loudly. I must get revenge. I smeared a plum in Drew's face, causing him to drop the salmon on the ground.

"SH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!T"

"AWHHHHHH F***, THATS THE SALMON!"

Before I could stop myself, I picked up the salmon and started whacking Drew (who still had plum on his face) with it.

Drew picked up a lemon and squeezed it in my eye.

"Ow, that hurt!" I yelled, putting a hand to my sour eye.

Drew gasped. "I'm sorry honey, let me go get you some eye drops or something!"

As Drew was walking away I smirked. He had fallen right into my trap. I picked up the grapes and stood up. When Drew wasn't looking, I launched the grapes at him.

"Ahhh, how dare you!" Drew yelped. He dashed back to the counter and picked up some seasoning to throw at me. I grimaced as some seasoning I didn't identify hit my shirt.

Just as I was about to attack back, Drew and I heard the door lock being unlocked. Oh god, no.

Drew and I quickly stood up and brushed ourselves off. Just then, Vincent opened the door. He had the most confused expression you have ever seen in your life.

Drew took the initiative to distract him. He ran up to our son and hugged him.

"Welcome home sweetie! Err-you're kinda early aren't you..? Haha, well that's amazing! How were the exams?"

Vincent looked petrified at the amount of questions Drew was asking.

Wait-
"DREW NO LET GO OF HIM, YOUR HANDS HAVE THE GERMS OF RAW SALMON!"

Drew quickly withdrew his grasp on his son.

"Wait, wait, wait-what the actual frick is going on?!" Asked Vincent, A truly confused expression on his face as he scanned the kitchen.

I signed, I might as well explain it to him. "We were trying to cook you a nice dinner for when you got home but things got a little....let's say, messy."

Vincent just started laughing. "A special dinner?! It's fine guys! I was planning on getting fast food!"

Drew and I stood in silence for a second.

"Well, that sounds good to me," said Drew.

I nodded. "Let's wash our hands and get in the car!

And to this day, that has been the most embarrassing, messy, immature, childish, awkward moment ever.