swim || remus lupin

remus

The meals were relatively quiet, no one felt there was much that was important, aside from Alice. Sometimes, Alice would switch places with Lily and comb Syd's hair and talk to her, she felt it would help. She would talk about the food that day, and how much Syd would have hated it. She would talk about the house elf who sent a food basket. She would talk about the classes Syd was missing. She would talk a lot.

She also opened a window. Remus found it strange, but slightly comforting.

By Tuesday, Remus had not only given up on school, but he had also given up on food. He would take a muffin from Peter each morning, to keep them from asking questions, and then discard it in the bin. He was too stressed to remember. Too angry to comply. Too tired to care.

He sat by Sydney's bedside on Tuesday night, with her hand in his, and his hunger kept him awake.

Remus knew he had a habit of blaming himself for things that were not his fault. He had done it when Sirius asked Sydney out first. He had done it when he said no to Hogsmeade, instead of giving an explanation. He had done it when he scratched James the night of the moon.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, mate," James often said. And maybe he was right.

But this time, Remus could not feel anything other than completely responsible.

He had been there for the entire conversation between Sydney and Theo that day in the Great Hall. He had heard her admit to hearing voices, voices that were now missing. He had heard her say that her transformation pain had mysteriously stopped. He had heard her brother, once the only person she trusted, tell her that their mother may be alive.

And he was stupid enough to believe that she, of all people, wouldn't want to know why. She always wanted to know why.

He sat by Sydney's bedside on Wednesday night, with her hand in his, and the guilt kept him awake.

On Thursday morning, Madam Pomfrey received news that James, Lily, and Sirius had all fallen asleep in Astronomy, Peter, Alice and Marlene had missed their History of Magic class, and Remus was close to dropping from top marks to near failure.

She woke the rest of the group up with some tea and orders to return to their dormitories for the remaining nights.

Of course, no one was ready to respect this news, and there was a loud jumble of outcries and arguments. But the decision was final, Pomfrey had said, as requested by Dumbledore.

When Pomfrey left, Remus told his friends that Dumbledore was full of shit.

Around 9:50 that night, the nurse returned.

"Almost curfew," she reminded. And they argued for several minutes before McGonagall came down, with a very severe looking face, and threatened to deduct 20 points each if they were not in Gryffindor Tower within the minute.

The professor promised they could return in time for breakfast, but that wasn't good enough.

As the rest of his friends departed, Remus stayed behind with Pomfrey.

He knew she had a soft spot for him, that his condition had weakened her. He knew she would let him stay if he pushed the right buttons.

So he pushed them. And it worked.

But, although few words were often shared after the lads had finished their dinner, Remus found it to be crushingly quiet to be alone.

Well, not alone, but still.

He sat by Sydney's bedside on Thursday night, her hand in his, and the silence kept him awake.

Friday morning, Remus was greeted by Dumbledore.