Hey Ishan - // IK Fanfiction // ✔️

3rd December 2020

Ishan

She wasn't wrong.

She had a point. Regardless of how much I tried to avoid it, run from it.. I can't deny the fact that there was something between us.

We weren't just close friends. Not anymore. Not after that argument we had and missed each other like hell. And it's not just about that, every day as we talk or do stuff for each other. I think all of it adds up.

It's like every day, we step away from that line which seperates friendship and something beyond that.

And I can't help but admit that it makes me nervous.

It's not like I haven't felt like this before. I was dating Aditi too. But this somehow just feels different. Aarya is.. Damn I don't even know how to put this.

Aarya is intimate. Aarya is more personal.

What I have with her, it's all so much more personal to me. You know the things we talk about, the way I share everything with her trusting her fully that she'll keep everything safe with her. That she'll keep my feelings, my heart safe with her.

The fact that she values my feelings so much! She's excited when I am. She's nervous when I am. She's sad when I am and now that I think of it.. It's the same with me!

And nobody knows about this. This girl, this wholesome.. Kind and colourful girl in my life, nobody knows about her except me. She's like my secret.

And in Aarya's words, it does feel like we live in a bubble. Where it's just me and her. We haven't seen each other, we haven't met in person, we've spoken to each other a couple of times on the phone.. And here we are. So much invested in each other.

So it does feel a little scary when I think of the bubble bursting. What if we lose this? What if someone else comes in her life? What if I can't keep in touch with her? What if we just.. Grow apart?

This distance that we have, this isn't just between Mumbai and Patna. This is between me, a guy who's as good as an illusion for her and all those people who're physically there for her. Around her.

And it frustrates me!

It frustrates me so much!

I want to be there for her! I want to be there for her, I want to be in front of her. I want to hold her in my arms when she's sad. I want to tell her all the exciting things myself and see her reaction. I want to celebrate her little victories like her presentations going well or her boss liking her suggestions with her.

I want to show up outside her office in the evening so that we can just go somewhere to eat and chat about stuff. I want to drop her home when it's late and ensure she's safe. I want to bring her favourite lunch or a box of donuts to cheer her up when she's having a rough day. I want to take her to a random movie plan or just sit with her on Marine Drive watching the waves, with the wind brushing her face.

When her period is giving her trouble, I want to buy flowers and fruits for her - not chocolates cause apparently those only make the cramps worse. I want to watch her rant about her boss or some idiot occupying the ladies seat in a bus, I want to watch her laugh about something very stupid. I want to watch her smile when her favourite song plays.

I just- I want to be in her life. As near as possible. As casual as possible. As actual as possible.

But I'm not. I'm nowhere near her. I'm just a guy who's like states away from her, whom she has only seen on her tv during IPL. I'm just that guy from online you know.

How ridiculous is all of this! How stupid and unrealistic of me to think all of this. To want all of this.

And this is why I try to run away from what we have.