Yours truly, Gilbert | 𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐄

thirteen

"For you, Harley." He mumbled boredly.

I hesitantly took it this time, and braced myself for the words to come. This is his response to the note underneath the mat. The one stating I cared about him. I could've thrown up right then and there.

Wow. I want you to know I really appreciate your note, and I think it was really brave of you to admit your feelings like that. The truth is... no one's ever done that for me.

I was a little relieved he didn't instantly start laughing about how dumb I was, though it felt like there was a 'but,' coming.

I really wish I knew who you were so I could tell you this in-person. But I should just tell you now. You deserve the truth.

I'm confused about my feelings right now. I've just done something I can't take back, and it changed things. Forever. I don't know if I'm relieved or sick. The answer I got, wasn't one I wanted, and I just feel really... empty right now.

I'm not sure what to think, because I was hurt, but deep down I still love her and I think I always will. I'm really sorry.

***

"Excuse me." I mumbled to Diana, trying to get around her towards the lake. She shifted over to make room for me, and we both took the milk out of our baskets to place in the cold snow.

It's been a week since I recieved the note, and Gilbert wasn't at school. No one really understood why. He was a typically private type of person when it came to his life outside of academics.

"Hey, Harl—" Diana started and looked up at me. When she saw my state, she nearly gasped.

I didn't blame her. My hair was a mess and more frizzy than usual, there were new bags under my eyes from the lack of sleeping, and I realized halfway to school I had on my father's flat cap instead of my typical dark purple beret. I gave a weak smile and bent down to place my milk in the snow, when the flap of my basket opened, and a slip of beige flew out.

My eyes darted towards it, and after a second, I realized it was one of the notes from my pen-pal. "Shit!" I whispered harshly, running towards it. Uneven snow footprints were being left behind me.

I caught it with my glove before it hit the freezing lake, and brushed off a few pieces of ice. A few sentences were blurred now, but it was the same nonetheless.

I brought it close to my chest, maybe thinking giving it warmth would make me feel warm again too. I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

Diana slowly crouched down next to me with a confused expression. Suddenly, I started crying. Right. There.

It wasn't ugly sobbing or wailing, just clear tears falling down my cheeks, with my occasional cough or gasp for air.

"Harley! Are you hurt? What—"

I looked up to Diana's eyes with a desperate expression. I remembered, she was my first friend besides Gilbert. She was always there for me. No matter what, she was there. But ever since Anne's been here and I've been busy with... other things, we haven't had as much time for eachother. But I realized now I deeply missed her.

I was ready to tell her. I had to tell someone.

I stood up quickly and took her hand, walking over towards the back of the school. When I double-checked to make sure no one was listening or watching I turned towards her. "Read this." I said stifly.

She looked around unsure at first, but then reluctantly took the note, and scanned through it. Mouthing the words as she went. Her brow was furrowed when she looked back up at me.

"Harley, I don't understand."

I took the note back, carefully placing it in my basket. I didn't know if I could say this next thing looking her in the eye. I've been keeping this from everyone, and the thought of saying it out loud was weird.

"My pen-pal. He loves someone else." Was all I could mutter before fresh tears formed.

Diana's face only grew more and more lost. "He?"

I nodded and sighed, glancing up at her now. He mouth was half-open, and her eyes were darting all around. I waited a few more seconds before I let the words fall out of my mouth.

"I got a boy."