swim || remus lupin

off the deep end

"Like guilty," he stated. "I called her out on it and she admitted that she had cast a spell on us both when we were younger to prevent us from changing," he explained.

I considered this idea. Based on her journal, Mom was terrified that Theo and I would end up like her, with the merperson genes. It would make sense that she would do everything in her power to stop it, and causing pain from touching water has kept me out of it thus far.

"So, since the pain is gone..." I said slowly.

"She can't hold the spell if she's dead," Theo rationalized quietly.

We were quiet for a moment. Theo uncapped and recapped his highlighter subconsciously as he let me sit with the heavy information. I took a deep breath in.

"How do we find out?"

His light blue eyes met mine briefly. He bit the inside of his lower lip and swallowed before answering.

"Remember the community thing I said before? About how you and I hear the voices from the merpeople we would have grown up with?" I nodded.

"They live in the lake," he said slowly, his gaze turning out to the dark blue water. The small waves toppled over each other, cold and deep and inviting.

"You want me to go in there," I pieced together. He looked to his hands but nodded.

"It's the only way to know for sure," he said.

I weighed my options. I had only fully transformed once before, and that was in an enclosed pool. I also had no idea what was waiting for me in the lake, and based on the death threats in my head, this "colony" wasn't all too friendly. But if Theo was telling the truth, my mom may have been alive for the 13 years I spent without her. She may be down there, hurt. I may find the answers I came looking for.

"Okay," I answered. He sat up a little straighter, eyes slightly wide.

"Really?" I nodded, unlacing my converse and slipping them off along with my socks. I knew I had to just go, that I would talk myself down if I waited any longer.

I pulled Remus's sweatshirt over my head and folded it neatly, placing it on the grass with my shoes and socks on top. I inhaled shakily, eyeing the water. The cool air attacked my skin, making the hair along my arms stand up, but the nervous adrenaline warmed me back up.

"Syd, your arms," Theo said softly, his words full of second hand pain. I looked down at the familiar deep red scars that ran across my body, now visible with my sweatshirt off.

"You miss a lot when you move across the country," I stated coldly, taking my first steps into the lake.

The water was piercingly frigid. With each step the lapping waves washed further up my legs until I was waist deep. I slipped off my leggings under the water and tossed them to Theo on the shore before turning out to eye the surface.

My hand glided over the top of the water as I waited for my legs to web together, not sure how long the process would take. The pause gave time for my nerves to magnify, as I feared the unknowns waiting for me in the depths of the lake. I wanted nothing more than to go back to last night, when my only thoughts were on Remus and how his lips felt against mine.

I turned and took one last look at my brother, who was waving nervously from the grass. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes to try and settle myself down, before breathing out sharply and diving headfirst into the lake.

The cold enveloped my entire body, tightening my chest and sending shivers down my spine. I ignored it, though, forcing myself deeper and deeper into the lake. The semicircular scales pushed their way through my skin painlessly. I knew the transformation was nearly complete, but I ignored that too, keeping an image of my mom in the front of my brain for motivation.