Why not me? (A Naruto Raised By Kakashi Fanfic)

ch. 3 what the baby?

I woke up to the sound of crying. I vaguely remembered what had happened before I fell unconscious, but why was there a baby crying?

I got up, and followed the sound. 'Oh yeah, I'm babysitting.' I recalled, picking up the small boy and hashing him.

'I wonder what he wants.' I pondered.

You have to think like the enemy.

That was something Minato sensei had taught me.

The best way to respond to any attack or situation is to get inside the enemies head, and think like them. What would I do if I were  attacking myself? What moves would I make? What kind of jutsu?

"Let's see, if I were a crying baby, what would I want?" I asked myself, thinking out loud.

'I would most likely want to be held by my mother.'

I turned my head down to face Naruto.

'Yeah. That's not going to work.'

Naruto looked up at me, his big, blue eyes glazing over with fresh tears.  He was silent.

'Oh good, he's finally calmed-'

"WAAAAHHHHH." Cried Naruto, stopping my thought halfway.

I sighed heavily, saying, "there there" every few seconds, but it didn't seem to help.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Naruto coughed and spit up all over my clothes. Saliva strung from my shoulder to his tiny mouth, falling and smearing everywhere.

'Good grief, this is why I don't like children.' I thought to myself.

'They're just so...sticky, and noisy, they cry a lot, and make messes.'

I wiped up some of the slobber, knowing full well that I would need to change both of our clothes, and I had a rising suspicion that there was a dirty diaper to be found.

As I scratched my head, I noticed a wet spot.

"Oh great, you slobbered in my hair too kid."
I told him a bit irritated.

Someone knocked on the door. I checked the clock, and it was nearly 6 p.m.

"Hey Kakashi," I heard a female voice call out. "Are you in there?"

I peeked my head around the corner, to look at the door. 'That sounds like Kuranai.'

"Come in." I said from down the hall.

Kuranai entered, closing the door behind her.

"So it's true." She began. "You really are watching the 4ths kid!" She exclaimed excitedly. 

Kuranai immediately began to entertain the little mess maker.

"Oh, look at how cute he is!" She cooed, wiggling her pointer finger at a spit up.

Almost immediately Naruto stopped his fussing. He giggled, smiling warmly at Kuranai, who in return, smiled back at him.

Kuranai noticed the spit up all over the two of us and chuckled, taking Naruto from my grasp.

She looked at the way I was looking at the two of them.

"You have absolutely no idea what you're doing, do you?" She guessed, reading my exact thoughts.

I nodded.

"I suspected  as much."

"It looks like you spit up little man." She stated, holding the kid up above her head, and twirling him around. The kid giggled happily.

"Careful!" I said to Kuranai, not wanting to be fired on my first day for the dropping of a child.

Kuranai rolled her red eyes at me sarcastically, before saying, "Oh hush Kakashi, I know what I'm doing."

She took him to the bedroom and stripped his onesie off. I handed her a clean one. Then, she stopped and sniffed the air.

"Have you changed him yet Kakashi?" Kuranai asked.

"Changed? Why would I need to change kids, he's already trouble enough." I told her.

Kuranai looked at me like I was completely stupid, which doesn't happen a lot. I kinda feel bad for people who are stupid now.

She turned around all the way, and asked, "Are you really gonna stand there and tell me that you had no idea that babies poop themselves, and on top of that, can't clean it up themselves?"

I scratched the back of my head, knowing she wasn't going to like my answer.

"I guess I never really put that much thought into it." I said plainly.

She sighed, but gestured for me to come closer.

"Alright then. Pay attention,  because I'm going to teach you." Kuranai said with an air of confidence.

This was such a drag. Why do I have to do this, it's not like I'm gonna have kids someday.

Kuranai ordered me around for the next several minutes, telling me what to do, and how to do it. Then she went around and baby proofed my house. I didn't realize that that was a thing.

"Basically anything that's sharp, or small enough yo to fit through an empty toilet paper roll is dangerous." She explained.

"Any questions?" She asked.

I thought for a moment, collecting my thoughts one by one, and recalling every detail she had told me.

"So I get why I shouldn't leave out sharp objects," I began. "But what's so bad about small objects?" I asked, completely and utterly clueless.

Kuranai then explained how babies put anything, and everything in their mouths, because that's the only way they know how to comprehend stuff.

"So if you don't want to be charged with neglect, don't let him have anything that he could choke on." She finished.

"Okay. I think I get it now." Then I had a great idea.

"Kuranai, how would you like to watch Naruto instead of me?" I asked.

"I would absolutely love to!" Kuranai said with excitement in her voice.

"But I can't." She told me sadly.

"Unfortunately, I have other missions to go on with my team. But I wouldn't mind coming by to see him every now and then." She told me.

She looked at the clock.

"My how time flies. I better be off now, bye bye cutie," she said as she tickled Naruto's nose. He laughed, watching her leave.

"See you around Kakashi." She waved from the doorway.

"Wait." I heard myself say.

"Yes Kakashi?" Kuranai responded.

I paused momentarily, thinking of the best way to phrase my question.

"Kuranai, how are you so good with kids?"
I asked curiously.

She smiled sweetly. "It's womanly charm."

I was still thinking about what she had said, when I realized she had left already.

'Womanly charm, that's not a real answer."

I decided.