Dramione Vignettes

Trepidation

Mid August 2000

"No! Listen to me! I cannot let this happen again! I really can't, I can't let anyone else hurt you! I love you so much and seeing you hurt like this, because of me... I can't do it! I need to leave, all I'll ever do is hurt you. My past is always going to haunt you.. I can't stay.." His breathing was shakey as he sat next to her on the couch, his hand rested against her stomach at first but evacuated soon after he started talking.

Her eyes filled with tears, watching as he stood up. She sat herself up painfully, "Please, don't go. Don't leave me! D-Draco, i-i need you!"

"No you don't.. no one needs me, all I ever do is cause pain, as shown by the state of you. It's my fault you're hurt. If I had just left you alone then you would be safe!" A sob escaped his lips when he looked at her, a droplet falling off his chin to the rug below his feet.

"Harry needs you! George needs you! Your mother needs you! God damnit, Draco. I need you!" The tears flooded her face as she broke down. "Not every damned thing that happens has to be because of you, not everything on planet Earth is your fault! Nothing is your fault! You were not the one to kill Dumbledore and you sure as hell weren't the one to poison me! So just stop it! Stop blaming yourself!"

"If I hadn't asked you to marry me then we wouldn't be in this situation!" He yelled back, "If I hadn't killed some innocent muggle and gotten branded then we wouldn't be here! You wouldn't be hurt!"

"Changing all of that wouldn't solve any of this and you know it! If you honestly believe not having a mark on your arm and not having ever met me would fix this then you are a bloody imbecile!" She whimpered as she sat up more but continued with even more fire to her tone, "You were hurt multiple times for being with me and you want to talk about leaving because of one little experience where the tables are turned?! I guess I should have left when Ron cut you, right!? Or when everyone at Hogwarts teased you for being weak when I defended you!? Or what about all the times my father has threatened your life!? Should I have just left you when you were hurt?" Her voice faltered, her eyes meeting her lap that seemed to be having a rainstorm with how many droplets had fallen to her blue jeans.

He paused, realizing what he was saying and gulping at the comprehension he now had that he had just hurt her again. Sitting on the edge of the couch at her side, he was hesitant at first, just barely touching her before quickly pulling her into his chest and embracing her tightly.

Her hands held fistfuls of his shirt as she sobbed into it, feeling his cheek rest against her head and his hands try to become one with her body in their grip. "I'm so sorry.. I love you so much.. I won't leave.. I'm so sorry.." he vibrated as he said the words, feeling more tears fall off his face and into her hair.

"I-I l-love you too," she sniffled, loosening her fingers from the fabric, letting her hands sink a little and shoving her face closer to his chest to be held tighter.

He laid a kiss on her head, moving a hand to run it through the brown strands. "I'll never say it again. I promise. Please forgive me.."

She only nodded against him, whimpering softly. She started to wonder if this was how he felt whenever he was reminded of her leaving him last summer on a runaway to Italy. Her arms made their way around his neck and she rested her chin on top of them, his resting on her shoulder.

"You're really not worried?" He asked timidly, nuzzling his cheek into hers and closing his eyes as he listened.

She sighed, "I'm terrified. Not for right now but for the future.. I mean," she pulled away to look into his eyes, "what's going to happen when we get married, Drake? What about if we have kids one day? Are people going to come after them too?"

He couldn't help but frown at her expression, it was like she was trapped in time, fearing everything to come, it was the same face she made at Hogwarts during the war. "We'll keep it quiet; we'll find a way to hide ourselves. We'll start by disguising ourselves in public a-and we can keep your last name Granger so no one suspects. We could even elope and move across the country. We could go live by your parents."

"So we just spend a life in hiding because we're afraid of being hurt, let our entire lives be a lie just so we can be together? What kind of life is that for a child? Would they just pretend their other parent is some muggle or half-blood no one knows?" Hermione only grew more distraught at the thought of hiding themselves from the world.

Draco took her hands and kissed them, "We're going to have to sacrifice. I love you so much but I can't say our children won't have to be a bit of compromise. And not just our status, the entire war in general we'll have to hide."

"So what do they say when they're asked who their parents are? Am I just expected to pretend you don't exist?"

"Darling, we're going to have to. There are still likely hundreds of Death Eaters out there. I can't risk you getting hurt over something I did or any children I have being harassed for something they can't control."

"Drake.. I don't need children to be happy.. I just need you."

"That's complete bullshit," he laughed sadly, pulling away and wiping his face. His foot rested on their coffee table and he couldn't stop the quiet chuckles, taking deep breaths to hide how he really felt behind the facade.

She looked at him as though he had lost his marbles, "Its not a joke, Draco. Quit laughing."

"It may not be a joke but it is a lie. You can't lie to me. I saw your face, when you were holding James." He laughed again, wiping a tear that trickled its way down the side of his nose. "You had never been happier. I saw that craving so don't lie to me and say that just me is enough when that face said it all. You want to be a mum.. and I.. I can't give that to you easily."

"Draco.. just because I want to doesn't mean I have to be. I don't need those luxuries. I just need you." She took his hand, rubbing small circles into his palm. "I just need you."

"Why?"

"Because I just do."

"You don't just need someone."

"Well, I do."

"What for?"

"Everything."

"And what's everything?"

"You."

"You need me for me?"

"Yeah."

"You amaze me. Do you know that?"

"You frustrate me. Do you know that?"

"I do."

"I do."

She laid back down, her muscles having mini spasms from how weak they felt. Pulling his hand, she tried to convince him down with her. He shook his head, letting go of her hand and lifting her up bridally. "You need sleep and that ruddy couch won't be of anyone's standards."

"What a man of class," she joked, resting her head against his shoulder. "Not class, just chivalry." He sat on the edge of their bed, turning off the lamp on his nightstand before situating the blanket and laying down, draping it over top of them.

"Why thank you, you're a great knight."

"Anything for you, darling."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Stay, forever."

"Your wish is my command."

"So sappy."

"You're the one who used a cliché first."

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