Sinner and Saint

Chapter Twenty

Five minutes later, Stellan stepped out of the bathroom dressed in his spare outfit, only slightly wrinkled and devastatingly sexy with damp, messy hair and bare feet.

For a moment there, I imagined this would be what he would look like hanging out at home with me on our days off, if we were actually together.

Heaviness started to settle in my chest and I had to quickly quell it away.

"Feel free to watch TV or whatever while I get myself cleaned up," I said, tossing him the remote as I passed him on my way to my bedroom. "If you're hungry, there are snacks in the pantry and some fruits in the fridge."

He gently tugged at my hand just as I almost cleared him so I had no choice but to glance back at him over my shoulder.

"You're jumpy," he said, releasing my hand. "It's just me, Kady."

"Which is exactly why I'm jumpy." I sighed. "I'll be fine. A shower will help clear my head."

He didn't say anything else. Just walked over to the couch and sank down on it.

I didn't really need a half hour to shower and get myself ready, even if fixing my hair could take some extra time. But that's how long I spent away from him because a little distance was necessary. Inviting him to my birthday dinner didn't have to be a mistake.

When I stepped back out into the living room, I was dressed in a simple black T-shirt dress that flattered my shape without detailing its every curve, and accessorized with minimal gold jewelry.

The TV was off and the space was completely quiet.

I approached the couch from behind and found Stellan stretched out on it, fast asleep, with one arm thrown over his head and another wrapped around a cushion.

My heart tripped at the familiar sight of his face in repose—the sweep of his dark lashes, the relaxed laugh lines on the outer corners of his eyes and mouth, the slight part of his lips that looked just about enough to fit against mine.

Watching Stellan sleep had been one of my favorite things in all our time together. It was time when I could pretend he was mine in the fullest sense of the word.

Just like I'm doing right now.

A little sigh escaped me and I took a light knit throw from one of the armchairs and gently draped it over him. Then I carefully slipped off his glasses and rested them on the coffee table.

It was only around three.

I could let him sleep for a little longer before we had to go pick up the food and drive over to Carmela's.

Besides, he probably needed it.

This man's brain was always racing with a thousand different complex thoughts, always analyzing, always problem-solving. And he did it without cynicism, much like a fascinated child, and with the startling brilliance of someone who simply had a very different view of the world and the society who lived in it. He rarely rested and he would never complain about it. But moments like these, I'm reminded that he was just a man with a limit, a breaking point.

The world will be alright for a little while, I told him in my mind, smiling softly as I brushed back a lock of hair from his forehead.

Then, I stepped away.

Sitting cross-legged on the rug not too far from the couch, I spent the next half hour replying to a few email greetings and uploading the photos from the beach.

I'd expanded one of our photos together into full-screen, taking in every detail of our bright gazes and broad smiles. We looked happy. We looked like we were exactly where wanted to be in that moment.