Set in Stone - Haldir's Story -

Chapter 8 - Decisions

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Since Caras Galadhon was situated on a hill, one could – if one chose a tree slightly taller than the ones surrounding it – overlook almost all of Lothlórien: the bare boughs of the trees in winter formed a brown sea of thorns and just at the edge of the horizon, a light-green stripe indicated where the grassy plains were beginning. On such a tree Haldir had been sitting for quite a number of hours, staring into the distance and even imagining to see a dark green line representing the forest of Mirkwood somewhere beyond the plains. Relationships were trouble – that much he had learned from his mother. Not that she had ever explicitly said so, on the contrary: she had always appeared to be ridiculously happy when she was with Rumil and him; the day she had told them she was leaving had almost broken Haldir's heart. Diniel had cried so much – not even trying to be strong – that he had wanted to scream at her, telling her not to go if she resented it so. It had been the last time they had seen her, next thing they heard was that she was dead and they had a baby brother. No, it was his mother's example that had taught Haldir relationships were to be avoided: she had probably chosen the wrong partner or at least chosen not to join her life with his, and as a result she had been looked down upon during her lifetime, soon forgotten after her death, her children had never known her father or – in Orophin's case – any of their parents and were forever known as the "fatherless boys".

Haldir had always tried not to get entangled into anything like it and had succeeded very well until the day before yesterday, when the Miruvor had destroyed all his efforts in a single night. It had just been kisses, but they could easily turn into so much more, he knew they would, if he could not get back to Mirkwood quickly. The soberness of the former Great Forest would bring him down-to-earth again. It just had to, she had a partner after all. Haldir didn't quite want to be confronted with Elladan's wrath, should he ever find out. Getting killed by Elladan or killing a son of Elrond – Haldir didn't fancy any of both. The Miruvor had influenced Daëra and himself, made them do things they would never have done had they been able to think clearly, and while Daëra was probably regretting it because of Elladan, Haldir regretted it because it had triggered something inside him that would take much strength to be suppressed.

Suddenly, a voice spoke in his head: Come to see me at nightfall. Out of reflex, Haldir sat up and looked down to where the ground was far beneath him, but of course Lady Galadriel was nowhere to be seen. The sun was still standing high; it could not be much later than noon. Haldir felt how a huge burden was lifted off his shoulders: the Lord and Lady would tell him and his brothers that they could travel back to Mirkwood – just in time. Haldir wasn't sure how much longer he would have been able to avoid Daëra in Caras Galadhon – firstly, the city wasn't that big, and secondly, he knew he would go looking for her at some point, there was only so much he could take. Haldir stood up, keeping his balance easily and climbed down the tree with smooth movements. He didn't quite know where to go until evening; he didn't want to go back to his flet, since this would be where Daëra would be looking for him. Looking for him to get over with this "awkward talk", like how they both thought it had been a mistake and they were to pretend it never happened. As a result they wouldn't be able to look into each other's eyes anymore from then on.

When dusk slowly lowered its grey wings over the Golden Wood, Haldir carefully made his way back into Caras Galadhon. He was all eyes and ears, concentrating on walking in the – unfortunately not very dark – shadows and trying to avoid the main paths. He listened out for his brothers' steps on the soft grass, but by the time he had reached the biggest tree he hadn't spotted them yet. They were probably already up on the Lord and Lady's flet. While Haldir climbed the stairs, he realised how quiet it was – the everyday life had not quite found its way back into the city yet after the winter solstice celebrations.