Stay

35

EVIE 

The moment my feet hit the pavement, I kept running. Up and down the streets as the morning light of the breaking dawn casted down above me. I had managed to keep my pace up, enjoying the feeling of the adrenaline pumping through me. I always found that the early morning was always the best time to go for a run. There was a quietness that surrounded the city while many others were still asleep in their beds and only a few up and heading to work. I enjoyed this time of day. It gave me a moment to really think. 

Today’s topic of choice being Niall and his declaration of feelings. 

After we left the lounge, we went to a local burger joint that was open late. I had been too nervous and excited to eat anything heavy. Niall had been shocked by my refusal of a burger, but was quickly satisfied when I asked for a plate of french fries. 

“Can’t go wrong with a plate of chips,” he says as he excitedly orders a bacon cheeseburger and  a beer. 

I laugh breathlessly. Taking a generous sip of water, I keep my eyes and hands focused on other things. If I took a moment to realize where we were, how close he was, and the smile that was etched across his face, I’d go into a full panic mode. 

He lightly kicks my foot with his own. “How’d you like the show?” 

I take a deep breath, hoping and praying that my voice doesn’t come out as a stuttered mess. I felt my heart beat erratically in my chest, my palms sweating... “It was really good,” I tell him in a voice that I manage to keep steady. “You’re an amazing songwriter.”

He smiles widely. His eyes going bright... excited. “Yeah? You liked the songs?”

“I did. They were good.”

“Just good?” He smirks, chuckling lowly. 

“Someone has to keep your ego down.” I beamed back, laughing along with him. 

Conversations with Niall have always been easy. It’s light, friendly, and sometimes flirty. I always assumed that was just how he was - flirty by nature. He had a loud personality that took up most of the room. Everyone was attracted to him because of how he worked the crowds. He was welcoming, warm, exciting. Our friendship was never strained over that. He took my banter and ran with it and that in itself was something I liked the most. 

We never brought up how we felt. That never came into our conversations and since then it hasn’t. We’ve seen one another in the halls and have texted everyday since. But the elephant in the room has remained still. In fact, the elephant had fallen asleep and was pretty much too comatose to move out. I wanted to approach it but I was scared. Even though I knew that he liked me... for whatever reason that may be... but there was still the lingering though that he could reject me. 

I never intended for this to become another added stress in my life but somehow it became that. All I could think about was that he’d change his mind. He’ll wake up and realize that there were much better girls out there for him. Girls that were gorgeous, skinny, tall... someone like Presley or Ginny. They were the kind of girls that guys were attracted to. Sure, Ginny wasn’t tall but she was gorgeous. She also had Niall’s heart for a time. How could I compete with that? How could I be the kind of girl that will attract Niall to stay? 

So I ran.  I ran and ran until I couldn’t run anymore. I ran until I felt like every built up insecurity was silenced... at least for the time being. Running put my mind at ease. Instead of focusing on the negativity, I refocused on burn in my calves as I pushed through the final stretch... the ache in my lungs as I breathed in and out... and the sweat that pooled at the base of my neck.