Sooz

Dummy Thicc

The Ever Given, that massive cargo ship that ran aground in the Suez Canal, is still stuck. ... Authorities have been doing their best to dislodge the huge vessel, but so far have had no luck in refloating the ship.

I am a boat called Ever Given

I am currently stuck in the Suez Canal.

That means that I, singlehandedly, have brought global commerce to a stand-still.

How unfortunate.

It was a normal day - I was doing my rounds to help keep the global economy moving.  But little did I know that this was no normal day...

It all started the same. I continued transporting commerce which is probably worth millions of US Dollars. I found myself entering the Suez Canal. 

"Regulations, smegulations." I said, showing little concern for the global maritime commerce regulations that have been put in place for a reason - probably.

My big, fat, juicy caboose was going down that artificial sea-level waterway in Egypt, connecting the Mediterranean Sea to the Red Sea through the Isthmus of Suez and dividing Africa and Asia, constructed between 1859 and 1869 by the Suez Canal Company formed by Ferdinand de Lesseps in 1858, and which officially opened on 17 November 1869.

It's a lot like squeezing into a pair of jeans or that little black dress you own. People tell you, "you can't fit into them; don't even try."  That doesn't mean you stop wanting to squeeze into them, does it? No.  I was going to fit down that massive, artificial sea-level waterway, connecting Egyptian waters to the Red Sea and Europe.

"I'm so Dummy Thicc,"  I said, embracing my curves and unconventional beauty. Who cares if I don't meet those riduculous, unhealthy and unachievable beauty standards the Western World has put in place? I'm beautiful - and I will travel down this geographical feature.  

---

"Oh no."  I said, "I am stuck."

Despite, obviously, being very concerned that I am stuck in the most important waterway in the world and am currently holding up global commerce, I felt at ease.

I don't know what it was, but I felt... as if I were at home. A newfound home.

The warm water brushed against my sides, sending shivers up my hull.  (Fun fact: I don't have a spine, because I am a boat.)

I thought of many things, including the potential that the UK now has in a Post-Brexit world. And I thought of that heavenly water.

It was then that it dawned upon me. The water.

It's the water that makes me feel so at home. 

---

I've just made boat love to the water. 

I won't tell you about it because it was an intimate experience and I'm not pandering to a small minority of pervs out there.

I'm currently on my way out of the Suez and am very upset about it.

Global commerce can resume, but at what cost?

I've lost the only thing that made me feel good in this world...

But I will never lose my experiences.

My lovely experience with the Suez Canal. The intimate experience that I shall never forget.

Never, Ever.