blurred murmurs (larry oneshots)

the puddles reflect your beauty (2363 words)

song inspo: half a man (and the entire album tbh) by dean lewis and you all over me by taylor swift :)

if you get the taylor swift reference in this chapter (it's from a song on red), let's be besties.

trigger warning: mentions death and grief and a panic attack. please reach out to someone if you struggle with any or all of these. my messages are always open for anyone <3

...

4:02pm march 28th

"i've been running
from my demons
afraid to look behind
i've been running
from myself
afraid of what i'd find"

louis could feel the cold raindrops hitting his head softly, like little reminders that he didn't have his umbrella. he focused on the soft sound of his vans hitting the road. there weren't any cars out because it was raining and he was far into the back country of england. he remembered when it rained last month. however, then he had been dancing in the rain, giggling and tripping over his own happiness. now he was subdued, walking slowly along the road and taking shaky breaths. the two yellow lines in the middle of the road blurred with the tears forming in his soft blue eyes. he was almost at the spot he had so joyously danced a month ago. the only difference between those scenes? one person.

louis rubbed his eyes with the back of his hoodie, which was soaked so it didn't do much. he reached the spot and stopped, his shoes scraping against the loose gravel on the road. he sighed and lowered himself to sit on the side of the road, sniffling into his sleeve. he tucked his knees up and lowered his head, wrapping his arms around himself, shielding him from everything. the outside world was too much to handle at the moment.

it could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours when his phone rang, the soft melody filling his ears and jolted him awake. it seems he had unintentionally nodded off. in his half conscious state he forgot to check caller id and answered the phone, coughing out a soft "hello?" he cringed as his voice cracked.

"hi," a young man breathed back, sounding just as emotional.

louis recognized the soft timbre of his voice and the sweet hope he heard in the caller's tone. nevertheless, the voice was not welcome and louis would have hung up if he wasn't completely trapped between fear and want.

"i know that last thing you want right now is to hear from me," the man continued and louis gulped, "but i'm not doing well and i couldn't think of who else to call."

louis let out an involuntary whimper and curled tighter around himself, still pressing the phone close to his ear.

"shit. i shouldn't have called. i fucked up again. i'll go, i'm so sorry." the voice sounded panicked.

"no." louis found his voice. "tell me what's wrong."

"louis," he spoke softly, "that's not fair to you."

"since when was life fair." louis snorted, resentment dripping from every syllable.

"i can't put this on you."

"you can and you will, harry. because as much as i hate you right now, i care about you a whole lot more. so i will listen, because that's what you do for people you love."

there was a beat of silence and louis heard a small sniffle on the other end of the line.

"what's the opposite of numb? when you feel everything so much that it tears you apart" harry asked hesitantly.

"human." louis tells him honestly.

"it's terrible."

there's more silence that louis refuses to fill before harry speaks again. "i admire you so much. you love so passionately. i don't think i could feel even half of what you feel on a daily basis without going insane. i'm scared of falling as fast as you and losing it all."