Caramel Latte & Coffee Black (A Norman Reedus Love Story)

13 | Cigarette/French Toast/Horse Theory

There are some swearing in this. Please tread cautiously if you are not a big fan of swearing. I think all of it comes from Norman, though. Jae is realizing something of herself and that is good. Maybe she can now have a little freedom and breathe, damn it. And I seem to be going to weirder and weirder direction with the names of the chapters. I'm sorry. That is just... a result of watching too much of The Big Bang Theory. 

I would like to say thank you for all of you who have been reading my story, and voting and commented. You know who you are! You've absolutely killed off my Writer's Block syndrome and I'm feeling inspired again! Yay! @Mouse230, @Rezzalia, @KimberlyMartin2, @skittlesbun, @gamodei97, @KatieGraceDaves and all who I'm forgetting because right now I can't even remember my cats' names for dear life. 

I loved how his arms felt around me, and not make me feel trapped. The panic was still there, as a tiny seed, but it didn’t grow when he held onto me, and that made me relax, and enjoy every second of it.

     I had to keep my eyes closed, because I didn’t want to face the reality of the situation just yet. I wasn’t panicky, but I was afraid that this was it. I didn’t know why.

     The house around us was silent, and I heard both of our breathing as soothing distraction. I could hear my own heart drumming faster and faster, and my blood coursing through me and eventually roaring in my ears.

     It would have been a stinking lie, if I would say it didn’t shock me at all to all of a sudden to feel this way and let a man – I barely knew – hold me in such a way, standing behind me. I had agreed to this myself. I had wanted to come, and I wanted to get to know him, so it felt different. My brain and me still tried to fight it, but apparently my stupid little heart seemed to have gotten fed up with the brick wall of mine and was now tearing the bricks down one by one with determination.

     I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to start crying.

     After a short while, Norman made a move, shifting from foot to foot, and gently pulled back from the hug. Quickly turning around to face him, I placed my hand on his arm and shook my head, even though I dreaded for his reaction. My voice cracked when I breathed out, “P-Please, n-not yet.”

     I held my palm on his arm gently, stopping his movement to break our contact, “What is it?” he asked.

     “Just do-don’t go yet,” I said, my voice registering barely above a whisper.

     He didn’t argue with me, just stepped back and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him.

     I sighed relieved, lowering my head on his shoulder, and moving my arms around him; one around his torso, and the other curling under his shoulder and finding a resting place on his neck. I returned to control my breathing, and calm myself down. Without paying much attention to what I was doing, I began to twirl his hair around my fingers, and felt him tensing for a moment, before he relaxed a bit. I heard a sigh escaping from his lips, when he felt my fingers tangling into his wisps.

     He tilted his head to look down at me, “What is it? Something wrong?”

     “N-No,” I whispered, and shook my head vigorously, “I just - - I j-just really needed this,” I finished stammering. My eyes welled with tears, but they weren’t tears of sadness, they were happier ones.

     If there’s one thing you actually miss the most when you’re afraid of being held or touched for that matter; it’s human contact, and right now, Norman was giving me all the human contact to my soul’s content. He bent over a little, just to look into my eyes and nodded, still frowning though, as if he understood what I meant. I wasn’t sure if he did, but it seemed as such. I felt his hold tightening around my shoulders, and I nestled against the crook of his neck, and kept tugging and twirling his hair. He groaned softly, shifting from foot to foot, and I felt him swallow hard. If he hadn’t felt nervous before, he was feeling it right now.