A Little More Heart | Lewis Capaldi

26. What Home Used To Feel Like

Anna flipped off the TV. She should probably take a break from this Fleabag marathon, she thought, rubbing her sleepy eyes. 

She glanced at her watch as she snuggled deeper into the blanket that covered her.  Three in the afternoon. Stuck on the couch. In her pajamas. It had become her usual routine by now.

The hospital had discharged her five days ago, and since then Lewis had doted on her, spending nearly all of his time at her flat, making her comfortable and helping with the cooking. The pounding in her head had subsided and she was only taking the minimum medications now. 

Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out. Selfie from Lewis, at the grocery store, picking out avocados. From the looks of it he was trying to balance one on his nose, but she couldn't really tell. 

She grinned. Even though it often took him two hours, since he ran into lots of fans who wanted selfies, he didn't seem to mind going to the shops for her. 

She tapped over to her Venmo app and sent Lewis some cash. He usually refused her attempts at reimbursements for his shopping trips. But she kept trying anyway. 

Although, she thought, her lips pursing, she wasn't sure how much longer her ability to do that would last. She tapped on her bank app. Her balances were dangerously low. She'd had a small amount saved before moving, but living in London was far from cheap, and she had no steady income now. 

And although she'd been sending out resumes, nothing had come to fruition yet. 

Her eyes glazed over as she gazed out the window, slick with rain, the typically grey London sky looming, oppressively. 

Something was going to give soon, she thought. She could feel it. 

As if on cue, her phone rang, and she checked the screen. Her mother. She drew in a breath.

Since Anna was an only child and her parents had split when she was young, she'd always been close with her mother. They bonded over art and music, and her mother's free spirit lived on in her. But her mother had not approved of her move to London, worrying for her baby's safety in another country, all on her own. 

Her recent calls with her had been difficult, to say the least. First a call telling her she'd lost her job, then another saying she'd been assaulted. It had been all Anna could do to prevent her from getting on a plane and flying over there. She'd assured her that Lewis was taking good care of her, but she knew her mother still worried. She'd called her every day since she'd been in the hospital. 

Now she feigned cheerfulness as she picked up. 

"Hi, mom!" 

"Hello, my girl," she heard her mother's deep, soft voice through the phone. "How are you feeling today?" 

Anna's mood brightened as she and her mother talked, a little about her health, but mostly about family and friends - her cousin getting married next month, her aunt going on a safari, a friend from childhood buying a new house. 

The stories made her grow wistful. New York was big and not unlike London, which is why she loved it. But London was not home. Perhaps it never really would be. She felt a pull on her heart and a lump in her throat. 

"Sweetheart, I know you don't like hearing this," her mother was saying. "But perhaps it's best if you come home for awhile. You can stay with me, you know that. We'll get you back on your feet."

Anna fingered the hem of the blanket, her eyes pricking. She didn't speak. 

"Just think about it, dear," her mother said. "We are always here for you."