Tempting Mr Rajvansh

Chapter 32

She saw Abir look away, clenching his hands and knew he was trying to hide the tears that had appeared in his eyes. She got up from her seat and sat next to Abir, cupping his face with her palms.

Mishti : I was so angry with you, so very angry. I felt so hurt and yet, I was confused. This behaviour didn't seem like you. Who was the real Abir Rajvansh? The one who treated me like a princess or the one who was so cheap as to place a value on a girl.

She wiped the tear that trailed down his cheek but didn't allow him to speak.

Mishti : I wanted to stop my thoughts at that moment so I went to the study where I met Naksh. You know what Naksh said?

She let go of his face and closed her eyes feeling the loss of him so deeply.

Mishti : Naksh supported you.

Seeing the look of complete shock, Mishti couldn't help giving a small chuckle.

Mishti : Yes, I was surprised too. He said that maybe you hadn't thought about me at all. Maybe it was just a point of pride with you and Jai. I was skeptical and said that you didn't even care about me. But he was vehement in his support of you. He said that if there was one thing that was true, it was that you cared for me deeply. Looking at you now, I know that is true. You do care for me, Don't you, Abir?

She saw his eyes light up as he nodded his head slowly. She wished she had not asked him to be quiet. She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted him to hold her and pretend that last night had never happened. But she knew she was making the right decision and she continued once more.

Mishti : I came back to my room and considered Naksh's words. I thought about us a lot, Abir and about your actions and the wager. I was thinking the entire night, in fact. I finally came to the conclusion that whatever you did, you did for me. You did think about me, Didn't you? And that's why you took on this wager?

Seeing Abir look at her with a frozen expression on his face, She said his name and he nodded slowly.

Mishti : You did this for me, Didn't you? I don't know what convoluted logic made you take this wager but I know that you thought you were doing the right thing. I can't fault you for that. I... I forgive you for agreeing to this wager, Abir.

She closed her eyes as she said the last sentence. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She took a sip of her latte and looked anywhere but at Abir. She didn't want to see his face as she said her next words.

Mishti : I... I..

She froze as Abir held her hands and she looked at him finally. She looked at the encouraging look in his eyes and tears immediately pooled in her eyes.

Mishti : I wish I hadn't changed. I wish I could have remained that same Mishti who didn't want more, who was happy being passive and proper. The Mishti who cared about the man in her dreams and not in real life. Because.. Because then, I might have been satisfied with this.

Abandoning all pretence of her willpower, She drew Abir closer to her and hugged him tight.

Mishti : I don't blame you for what you did with Jai but I wish you had told me. I wish you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.

She drew away from him, her anger at his lack of trust giving her strength.

Mishti : I love you. I would have forgiven you anything. I would have never let this come between us if only you had trusted me enough. The day you told me about your parents and about yourself, I was ecstatic. I thought Abir finally trusted me enough to let me in. I thought that eventually, one day you would love me. I was so happy that I was finally getting my love, my Abir who I've loved for eight long years. I was so euphoric I could have floated up to the moon.

Mishti wiped her tears and tore a napkin to shreds before continuing.

Mishti : I placed my complete love and trust in you. And when I learnt about the wager, I felt them breaking like glass. I thought and thought about it, Abir, and I don't know what to do.

She hugged him because she wanted to. Because it could be the last time she ever got to.

Mishti : I love you. I'll always love you and I'll never stop loving you. But I can't help doubting myself and you. I can't help but think that if we get married, a few years down the line, we'll end up keeping secrets from each other and that would destroy me. I don't know if I trust you enough to be with you, Abir. I love you but I'm afraid that I don't trust you. You have lied to me again and again. By omission, even if there's no actual lie involved. Each time you realise your mistake and I forgive you. But this time, my trust has broken and I don't know how to join it back.

She soaked his coat with her tears as she realised what she was doing. She was breaking up with him even though she had forgiven him. She knew she could pretend nothing had ever happened. Mishti realised she was being a coward. She was letting her fear of tomorrow ruin her today. But she was helpless. How could she let Abir marry her knowing that there was nothing tying them together other than deep affection?

He didn't love her and she didn't trust him enough anymore. The two basic foundations of marriage and both were rocky. How could she let her greed for him ruin his life then?

Mishti : I wish I had never changed. You call me your temptress. But I am the one who's been tempted by you and changed by you. Your words, Your actions, Your strength, You.... You changed me. You tempted me, Mr Rajvansh. I'm so sorry.... I'm so sorry. I think we should stay away for some time.

She sat straight, finally running out of things to say though her tears hadn't stopped. She had done it. She had gone and ruined her own life.

Mishti : I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go on with you when I can't stop doubting everything. Yet I don't know how to stay away from you. I am ruining everything.

Mishti couldn't stay there any longer. She stood up to leave, then turned and looked at Abir. She bent and kissed his cheek before placing her lips near her ear.

Mishti : I am sorry. I wish we could have been together. But I need more than someone who will lie to me even if it's for my own good. I need someone who trusts me enough to tell what they feel. Someone who can love me. I thought eventually, you would love me but I was wrong. Maybe you were right. You cannot love someone and I cannot accept a loveless relationship anymore. Goodbye Abir.

She left then, leaving behind a stunned Abir.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you think? Was her decision right? How will they get together now?