Ineffable. [D. Malfoy]

twenty-one.

And she repeated it like a mantra in her head until she was certain she was going to believe it.

I'm using you. I'm using you. I'm using you.

The worst part was another sentence had found its way through her thick skull. It broke through the cracks through pure sincerity and her brokenness.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

The words enveloped her mind, and guilt flooded through her body. It hit her like a tidal wave after she understood.

I have full control of you.

Because she did.

Mr.Malfoy gave in to his affections for her even if it was for a mere minute. He kissed her of his own will.

Esme's eyes snapped open, watching the sun finally rise from the horizon. She sighed heavily, hoping that the guiltiness would fade amongst other things.

The day after their kiss lyrics of words had sprung in her brain. It was there, out in the oblivion. She refused to acknowledge the words or even unlock them. She pushed and pushed, but as she sat alone a week after the kiss, her words had fought their way to the surface, fighting for domination against her reluctance.

I miss you.

She missed his company.

She waited hours after that day, hoping he would pop his head through the door and come in to play another chess game with her. Each time the door made a cracking sound or opened slightly, she would jump off the bed, a guilty feeling hitting each nerve. Then only being filled with pure disappointment as Nolly walked in. 

After the third day, she gave up. She knew he was in the Manor. She could hear his footsteps marching towards his room and the slamming of his door every night. Each time the footsteps approached her door, she would hold her breath, praying he would come in. To her utter disgust, she even wished he would be horrid towards her and say the most hurtful of words. That way she would be able to see him even if it was for a second.

Esme forgot how much time she spent with him until his presence disappeared from her life. He had taught her so much. Now the absence of his light was hanging over her like a burden. He left her, and she wanted to scream at him because he promised he would take care of her.

But trust was always an issue. And Esme hated that somewhere deep down, she trusted him more than anyone else.

After the second week, Esme had become miserable. It was beyond lonely. Nolly's company was fun, but there was always something missing. The portraits were rude as usual, bickering and sneering at her as she walked through the Manor, looking for clues. There were no clues. The room that she had gotten drunk in was covered in wards. She wasn't even able to approach the doorway before she felt an invisible force shove her back slightly. 

After the second week, she stopped hearing his footsteps approach the door. She no longer heard the floors of the Manor shake signalling he had arrived back through Apparition. The sound of his bedroom door slamming stopped. She even refrained from asking Nolly where he was and why he stopped coming to see her because even her small house-elves looked more tired than usual. She sulked in her room, mindlessly playing chess by herself. It was pathetic, but she was yearning for his company, his presence.