The 'L' in Light (A Death Note Fanfiction)

Chapter 5: Puzzle

~ L's POV ~

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The person he was pondering about just five seconds earlier shuffled up to him and fell to his knees. L also showed no reaction as Light wrinkled his white shirt with his fists and buried his face in it.
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L's eyes opened wide. He had always found it extremely difficult to show empathy or consolation, something that the other orphans never fully understood the reason for. In fact, back at the Wammy's House, he had always preferred staying alone. With a heavy heart, he recalled every potential adopter that tried to interact with him and how they would show no interest in him after realizing how overly shy he was. Watari would always do his best by explaining how bright L was. However, this proved to be unconvincing.

Later, during the small celebration that followed each adoption (in which all of the orphans would bid farewell to their lucky friend), he would tear up while watching them leave with a new family - something he knew he could never have. As a kid, he'd always wanted a loving family to call his own and L would always find himself running back to his room when the jealousy would become unbearable. With a deep sigh, Watari would locate him on the bed in his typical fetal-like posture.

This position wasn't really to enhance his deductive skills, as he had boldly informed Light. It was simply a way he dealt with his emotions by making him feel safe and secure.

But now, Light needs my help. Finally, he unfroze.

"What do you mean she's gone? Who are you talking about?" he asked gently, still surprised by Light's behaviour.

"Mi...sa. She...jumped," he managed, his throat choking up as he struggled to breathe. "I found...her body." With that, Light was overcome with another wave of emotions and sobbed even harder into L's chest.

As L put his arms around Light neck and patted his head gently, L's heart was beating so hard that he was sure Light would hear it through his crying. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm here for you," he heard himself squeak. What is going on? Who told me to say that?

After a few minutes, Light's crying subdued. With puffy, glassy eyes, he looked up and saw similar, but black, ones staring down at him. It was clear that Light's crying had pained him too.

"Cupcake?" offered L. "Cake always makes me feel better," he added.

Light smiled sorely and rested his head sideways against L. "She left a note," Light revealed. He reached into his pocket and brought out a neatly folded paper. "I haven't read it yet," he explained. "Please, read it. Aloud," Light instructed after handing it to him.

His words caught L off guard. "Are you sure about this?" he asked. When Light nodded, L took a shaky breath, unfolded it and held it up from its corners using the thumb and forefinger of each hand.

"Light, I know you will be the first one to find this and I would have been dead by then." L hesitated as he understood that the note wasn't directed at him. Light prompted him with his shattered look and L felt obliged to continue. "I will always love you and I'm sorry it had to be this way, I'm sure you'll miss me". L averted his eyes to the next paragraph and resumed. "I just wanted to tell you that you have been the best boyfriend that I could ever ask for. The reason for my suicide was that I couldn't continue living with my life. I may have looked joyful and happy with the success I had, but inside I've never wanted any of it. I hate not being able to go out with you in public places without being drowned in fans. I've also hated the fame, the lack of privacy and the pressure to be perfect.

Goodbye Light, I...love you," he finished, heart racing wildly. I can't believe I've just said that. He lowered the paper and had just started folding it back to its original form when he noticed Light staring intently into his eyes and particularly at the blush that had overwhelmed his pale face.

"I love you too, Ryuzaki," said Light bluntly.

The silence that had flooded the room and the shock on Light's face, possibly due to the disbelief of his own words, made L feel dizzy. His mind was proving futile in the emotional aspect. So, L did what little L had always done in these situations; he sprinted to his room, where he sat on his bed, knees pulled up close to his chest.