A Simple Reason Why.

The start.

TW: Mention of rape and substance abuse.

When I was 8 my dad came home one night with his friend they were both very drunk and on some sort of drugs. My dad's friend came into my room and climb into my bed I was 8 and didn't think much of it. That was until he started to touch me. I froze. I was unsure of what to do and i just lay there while he did it. That was until he actually started to do it. I kicked and i screamed and i cried until I couldn't no more. And then I just lay there lifeless the tears running down my face. After this happened he lay beside me and went to sleep. That while night I just lay there frozen. I was so disgusted with myself for letting him do that. I got up around 5am and got a shower thinking it would make me "clean" because I felt so disgusting,  after that I stood looking at myself in the mirror crying for an hour. I lay in bed for a week after this and didn't go out.

(3 weeks later)

It was a week after my ninth birthday and back he came again with my dad this time it was different. He started to touch me again and as he started to I screamed his hand covered my mouth and his other pulled down everything else leaving me and him exposed. As i was kicking, scraping and crying while he was doing this stuff to me my dad walked in. He was drunk as usual and had taken alot of pills. He just looked at me and walked out. That night I balled my eyes out and lay on my bed room floor, I've alwyas found comfort in laying on floors. I just lay around in my room for two weeks. That was until the car crash.

My dad crashed our car, him and my rapist in the car. The car rolled into a ditch and tipped over my dad survived but my rapist (his best friend) did not. I know this sounds awful but when i heard he was dead I was relived it was like I had no more worrys when i was getting into bed or going to sleep. But then the dreams started.