my problems

part 6

all i wanna do is just feel loved , is showing to love to me that hard for anyone ? i think its pretty much about time i break that lock and leap . i don't know why i even bother seeing anyone , as if it helps anymore . i can't take the pressure anymore . i feel suffocated now . i want to end this , and pray that everything gets better . but the shitty thing is i know it won't . it'll just be repeated visits to the " doctor " that can't fix my problems and my wants and needs and my . just everything wrong with me . i can't believe that even after all my hard work , nothing seems to be going towards the direction i want it to be going . which is why i don't think i see a point in leaving that lock breaker in my safe . maybe i should just have taken it out a long time ago to snap that shit lock leading up to the roof . i'll feel the cool air through my hair , and smoke that last cigarette before i just give up on everything and leap . i think it'll feel better , but i also think it won't . i'll take my tequila with me , and swing my legs over the rooftop and beg to anyone for things to get better . or if i feel like it , i might just stand on the edge and let the wind decide my fate . i honestly don't know . if anyone would miss me , if anyone would even notice . i can't help myself . if they can't accept me for who i am , and just want to not give a shit about me , then maybe i should just begone and make their lives easier . thanks for listening .