Frozen (Frat Boy Niall) EDITING

Chapter 87

"Happiness has never came easy for me. Before Mam died, smiles and giggles were all that could be heard around the house. She could always make me laugh. I remember the soft kisses on my toes and the raspberries on my stomach. I remember our games of hide and seek, and chase around the kitchen on days when my dad would be out all day. Before everything went down, I remember sitting on my dad's lap watching football and him telling me about the different tricks you could use on people to make them give up the ball. And I remember Greg and Annie and I eating ice cream by the river, laughing when Greg pushed Annie into the water. That was happiness. That was blissful and perfect. I haven't talked about any of that in a long while. How may dad used to be my best bud, and my mam used to be my hero. Not very many people know about my past and I've always preferred to keep it that way. Telling you, however... For some reason I wanted you to know. "

I closed my eyes, getting lost in thought.

"I wanted you to know my past. Know my suffering. Harry had been my friend for ages and I hadn't told him a dime, then suddenly you show up and I know you for a full two weeks and I wanted you to know automatically.

I don't know if it was the fact of how you viewed me, or how you judged me so quickly, but I had this feeling in my stomach the night that I told you. I know I was drunk, but even then, I'm smart enough to keep my mouth closed when I need to and for some reason that night, I didn't. I didn't want to hide my past from you. I didn't want to keep my mouth shut."

Whatever was coming into my head was suddenly just spilling out of my mouth. I had no control over it as my brain rattled on. We keep these thoughts bottled up for years and years, not giving a damn whether they pile up or not, but the only problem with that is once a small detail gets spilt, suddenly a whole flood of abused and unnecessary thoughts rush out. It's like the force of the built up river against a wooden dam of sticks and mud. The sticks bust and break and suddenly there's no stopping the rage of the rushing water as it plows through the dirty disasters.

"Pain. There was so much pain in my life, Khlo. Most kids on average at the age of twenty one have encountered a severely tragic event in their lives, yes. But how many can actually say they have gone through all of the things I have?" I opened my eyes and looked up to the beautiful and most precious girl I'd ever met, seeing her staring back at me with wide, hazel brown eyes. Her lips were pulled into a thin line, her cupid's bow starting to spread as a soft, loving smile appeared.

"You're one in a million, Niall." My stomach grew light at her comment. "You're so beautiful and strong. You're loving and funny. You're so much more than what I judged you for in the beginning. So much."

"When I was sleeping with those girls and partying every night... " I sighed. "That wasn't just because it was 'fun', or because I 'enjoyed' it. I did that because in that moment I was either higher than the damn sky, I wanted an escape, or just because I had so much anger and resentment built up towards my father. It was mainly the third option, if I'm honest. That was just meaningless sex, powered by my angered thoughts. In those situations, I was the superior controlling the girl. I had control over something in my life, even if it wasn't the best way to gain it.

"I don't blame you for ever viewing me how you did because you have every right. I mean, you'd obviously heard the stories and Gemma, hell Gemma didn't help any."

"Why does she hate you so much?" I sat up and switched positions, making it easier to grab ahold of Khloe's waist and pulled her down on top of my body when I fell backwards. I inwardly laughed, running my hands through her hair as she placed her ear to my chest.

"I used to pick on her a lot last freshman year and she's hated me since."

"What'd you do?"

"Oh, let's see. I've dumped water on her head in a brand new party dress. I threw her into the creek that I'd taken you to back in September. I used to sit behind her in class and pull on her hair. I once crumpled her homework. There's so much." I laughed. I could literally go on and on with the list I'd built up over the years.