"A Sanctuary Safe and Strong"(Marianas Trench)

Chapter 54

Pulling his head up slowly, Josh raised his gaze to Matt's, catching his eyes through the strands of blue that perpetually feathered across his forehead. Matt felt his eyes shift back and forth as he searched for something that would give him a small glimmer of hope that the singer hadn't snapped so badly that he couldn't be pulled back from the edge of "crazy". "Josh?" Taking another step closer, the brunet settled himself back down on the couch close to the blond's shoulder. 

"What, Matt? ...what the hell is it?" he asked, with a slightly breathy huff, a tired tone to his voice and an exhausted excuse for a smile that said he was more than done with everything that was going on. He actually sounded much more like himself now, just...completely done in. Matt knew that intonation by heart - he'd heard it from Josh many, many times in the past after days without sleep, or when he was feeling overworked, overwhelmed and overly emotional for one reason or another. But at least this Josh was one he knew how to handle - gently, cautiously, carefully.  

Matt leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees, fingers laced together in front of him in a familiar position that felt more relaxed than accusatory, in his opinion. He had the upper hand, sitting several inches higher than Josh, but he didn't want to completely overpower the man, so he hunched his back a bit and ducked his head while he spoke. "Tell me... Tell me about the "I'm dead" thing?" he asked, mentally skimming over every way he could ask that question by easing Josh into it, but finding nothing better than complete directness. 

Josh stuck the tip of his tongue out between his teeth before pulling it back into his mouth. He pursed his lips, then licked them, seeming to stall a bit. "The...what?" 

"I think you know what I'm talking about...," the guitarist encouraged, gently nudging the older man's side with his knee. 

Josh sighed quietly, tugging the cuff of his sleeve back down until it covered his fingers, leaving just the tips exposed. He nodded slightly, just like Matt had expected. He thought he'd seen a lightbulb go on over the singer's head the minute the question was asked and now he just had to wait. 

Lifting his arms, the blond braced his hands on the couch behind him and pulled himself up to sit, sliding back against the seat and crossing his legs casually. He draped one arm along the back behind Matt and licked his lips again quickly. "The "I'm-dead-thing"...," he said almost nonchalantly, drumming his fingers behind the brunet's head. Sighing heavily, he patted the leather once, loudly, making Matt jump before pulling his arm back and folding both loosely across his chest, relaxing a bit more. Repeating the phrase for the third time, the blond tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling. "You sure you're ready for this one, Matt?" 

"Yeah, just tell me," the guitarist insisted with the nod of his head. He was tired of the games, even though he was certain that it was only one-sided, and only in his head. He didn't believe for a single second that Josh was to blame for doing any of this on purpose. 

The singer stuck his tongue out from between his teeth, twisting it a bit, the lamp light catching the silver bar through the center. "I...don't know that I really wanna tell you, dude." 

"Goddamnit, Josh! Would you just fucking tell me before I...," Matt trailed off, unable to come up with a good enough threat that didn't hold the promised irony of a death threat. 

Laughing one of those genuine laughs that the blond was so famous for, Josh shook his head, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. "Relax, Matt. I'm just fucking with you." 

By that point in time, the brunet almost wasn't sure if he cared anymore. He was just having visions of strangling his lead singer. No, not strangling, bludgeoning. Tearing him limb from limb. Quitting the band the second before they had to walk out onto a stage somewhere to perform a concert where they were scheduled to be previewing new songs that they'd never before played live. Yeah, that would teach Josh a lesson for sure. But either way, Matt was sick to death of the waiting. "The hell with you, Ramsay. Tell me or don't tell me. I just can't do this anymore."