My Vents

Vent about my mom

I love you.....but do i......you've been there my hole life and ive allways looked up to you.....you sead i was your evrything but when i turnd 13 and came out as trans you calld it a faze and brushed it aside....its been 3 yeats sence i came out you call me by my dead name and think i stil ldont have ptsd and depreshon! My father scared me and now i feal safe with him! The one person that gave me ptsd now maked me feal safer then when im with you! You call me a bitch a ideot and a selfish asshole just fore whut! Not playing eith my brother! God im 14 i need a brake! I cry in my toom and cand have headphones in without having one side of ore a ear bud out just so you dont get mad and scream and yell! I put on a fake smile and the only people i think i truly have is my girlfriend of 3 years and my only true frend who ive only lnow fore maby 5 years! God! fuck! I wish i cold look up to you the little me had! But all i see now is a monster who you amd my step dad are! You calld me property and told me i didint have a life cuz i was to young in the car of all places like fuck! I coldint hide in my room! The only family that truly cares arnt even biologically mine! my ant lives to fare and i see her maby 3 times a year but when i ran away she was the only one to go looking! My second ant isint even biologically mine but she cals me by my right pronouns and even she knows more then you do about my life! I want to hold you and hug you but becuz if you i flinch evry time sumone razes there voice! Im exasted frome school chores and more and you still expeckt me to sepend time with you after telling at me the momint i come home! I run of on weekends to visit my frends or girlfriend just so i cant deal with your mentle abuse! You tell me its ky phone yet it tales me away frome the crule reality i tallk to the people that stop my crying and when you take that away frome me and tell me to talk to you how do i do that whem your the fucking problem! I was clean fore 2 years and you took me suport away one day cuz i had a brake down and you thought my phone was to blame but in reality i just finly snaped! I bight and cut and now have scars! Im glad i dont do that enymore but now i have other habits that might be wors! I dont think im good enugh the thoughts in my head screaming nasty things and not just about me! I want you to be a real mom! Not sum bitch that treats me like shit! I just wish you understud me so we cold be friends....but mom.....that wont happen till you treat me like your son and not property.......but even then ill still love you....but dont be surprised if in the future i may not see you......pleas clean up your act so i can love you to the fullist and not just say i love you and not fully get it.

590 words in totle i dont even truly know whut i wrote it just was enoshin fluding out.....leave comments if you wosh but dont coreckt spelling im horable at it....and i wasint trully thinking....k see you next vent.