Eboys Oneshots

When The Lights Are Too Bright (A.E x G.A)

Autistic Alex.

A/n  Sorry if this depiction of Autism doesn't match your experience or someone you know. Remember autism is a spectrum and no two autistic people are exactly the same, I'm basing this off my own experiences with Autism and I acknowledge they may be different from what a man, such as Alex in this fic would in reality depict, as I am Afab. Afab autistics often get misdiagnosed with anxiety, such as I was, OCD, eating disorders, and BPD. I guess you could also read Alex as having anxiety in this if you'd really like.
Sorry for long a/n aha

It was if their local supermarket had a remote controller and the mute button had been pressed. It'd been that way for a while, ever since the pandemic had began really. Alex supposed that meant it had almost been a whole year since it had been overwhelmingly loud.

Yet the brunette still couldn't erase the anxiety of possibly being overwhelmed when doing a task as simple as purchasing his and George's monthly groceries. More than often George ended up being the one who physically bought the groceries while Alex texted what he wanted.

But today was different. Alex had vowed that now society had entered a new year he was going to change, he was going to be better. Better at not being autistic.

The concept was impossible but his self hatred urged him to attempt.

So, when George had knocked on his bedroom and informed him that he was leaving for the grocery store, Alex had asked to come along.

"Al?" George called, snapping an extremely spaced out Alex from his thoughts, "This brands on special and it's half of what we usually get is, do you wanna get it?"

And thus commenced the intense staring battle between Alex and the said carton of almond milk.

The 'special' tag announcing its radically reduced price was an obnoxious yellow that made Alex want to squint. The brands name covered the carton in a bright orange that caused the same reaction as the yellow tag.

Thoughts found themselves zooming through the males head. Too many thoughts.

What if it tasted different? What if it tasted wrong? What if it was too sweet? What if it wasn't sweet enough? What if it was too thick? What if it was too watery?

Prices weren't reduced without reason. It meant the store wanted the product gone. That meant no one was buying it and if no one was buying it, something was definitely wrong.

George's hand reaching for the milk broke the staring competition. The other youtuber tossed the carton in the shopping cart and while George had broken Alex's visual focus he hadn't broken the brunette's mental focus and chaos and the boy stood stationary.

"Al?"

The brunette snapped his head up. Too fast, now his brain hurt. It was bright. Had it always been bright? A light was flickered at the end of the isle. Alex hoped George wouldn't make him go there and they'd simply go back the way they came.

George looked at him, Alex assumed he expected an answer, usually when people staring at you after saying there name it meant something. Alex didn't want to say a word.

He shouldn't have come.

"Are you okay, bud?" George's voice was softer, that meant safety? Good?

All Alex knew was he liked George's soft voice. He liked George.

Alex willed himself to nod.

It was better this way, not talking. Going mute meant he could pretend the thoughts in his mind were mute too. That his entire world was just as simple as soft voices from his roommate and non verbal communications.

He reached out for George's hand, because George always lead him around when he was like this. Alex wondered if he did it because he was scared Alex would wander off. He didn't mind though, he liked it. George always knew where to go when Alex's mind was scrambled.

"I can't hold your hand, Al," George sighed, "I'm pushing the trolley."

Oh. That wasn't good. That wasnt good at all. All Alex wanted to do was sink into his mind and pretend nothing existed outside of him and George, and his roommate couldn't even lead him around. 

But if he didn't have George then he would be existing alone. Fragments of his previous plan returned to his mind and he sighed. It was stupid that he needed George, he was an adult, he shouldn't really need anyone.

He took a few steps forward, past his roommate and hooked his fingers into the side of the trolley, tugging it. George got the message and continued down the isle.

"We're almost finished, mate," George informed him, "Just getting some tea and deodorant and then we'll be off."

Alex nodded.

The tea was at the end of this isle and the deodorant was two over, he could do it. He could hang on for a bit. But the tea was underneath the flickering light.

As they stood underneath it, Alex began to flinch everytime it turned back on. He wanted to be strong and normal but he couldn't pretend any longer. He let out a long whine and shoved his head into his hands.

"Hey, Alex," George said, his voice full of worry, "I'll get an uber home, hey. We'll be there so quick. I'll just order some deodorant off some site, okay? I've already got the tea, we can leave now."

Alex looked up, eyes wide and tears not that far off as he was again struck with the pain that the flickering light caused. He didn't look George in the eyes as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the other, digging his head into George's shoulder, snuggling his head into the soft hoodie George was wearing.

George hugged him back, shushing him as he let out another whine.

"It's ok, Al," George murmured in comfort, "We're going now, I'm gonna go check out and then I'll organize an uber."

Alex nodded into the nape of the others neck.

"I love you," George murmured, a bit less sure of himself than before which confused Alex because George always knew just what to say, "I've got you."

Alex removed himself but kept his eyes on the floor, he didn't want to see the flickering light again.

"Is the light bothering you?"

Alex nodded.

Alex felt George take his hand, like he so desperately had wanted earlier, and the other lead him a bit away. George let go Alex began to tug at his own hoodie.

"I'm grabbing the trolly, stay here."

Alex stood as still as he usually could, which really meant his feet weren't moving but his hands were, his hands were always moving. George returned with the trolley and Alex hooked his finger back into the side.

Later in the uber, George allowed the other boy to fiddle with his fingers, hooking and unlocking them as he pleased.

"I'm sorry, you know," George confessed, Alex looking up in confusion just to catch sight of a car's bright red lights as it drove by and cringing away from it, "For not being able to help you that much. I see you struggling and I just wanna fix it, I wanna make it all better."

Alex wondering if the uber driver was even listening and if they were did they care?

Alex just squeezed the others hand and leant to rub his face against George's arm.

"I do love you, you know," George said, again, less confidently, "I wasn't just saying that in the moment. I love you, Al."

Alex wondering what kind of love his roommate meant but decided it within this moment it didn't matter. He sighed into George's hoodie and smiled. Happy to feel so loved and appreciated. He unhooked his hand from the others and traced a heart onto George's skin.

"What?"

He did it again and George chuckled.

"A heart?"

Alex nodded, starting to feel tired.

"That's cute, Al," George replied, "You're cute."