Knock Me Down - [COMPLETE]

40 - Something Has Changed

"As he chatted, dripped in regret
He looked to me with quivered lips
I think he's upset
Now he's rambling off his script
He's talking loud for the first time in a while
In the last 3 months he had changed his whole lifestyle"

I bite my tongue. It could be the influence of the romantic atmosphere, the holiday, my sexual frustration or how good Jasper always looks but I want to kiss him. Badly. This is the one. The song. 'Something Has Changed' by Oscar Lang. The one in the mixtape.

"Cause you've got your way, I've got mine
Different directions will meet in time
I'm needing somebody by my side
I think something, something, something has changed"

Their voices melt together fluidly that not one is greater than the other. They really are a talented unit. I chug the drink, overwhelmed.

"I think something has changed
I think something has changed
I think something has changed
I think something has changed"

But I do the cowardly thing when it's over. I don't go backstage to help them move things or talk while they pack up. I stand all the way at the back wall of the club, drowning in my third whatever-this-is. My options: Uber home, get black out drunk so i don't remember this anyway, talk to Jasper, or die.

"What're you doing now?" Holden appears, responsibly taking away my drink only for Connor to hand me a new one anyway.

"Weighing out my options. I'm stuck between option three and four. Leaning towards four"

Holden, not sure what I'm talking about, tries taking my drink away again, "What's option three?"

I inwardly pout, "The one I don't want to do. Go back there"

I feel a grip on my shoulder and I jump spilling a little of whatever-it-was on the ground. It's Cas.

"Hey, help me carry the amps out into Jasper's Mystery Machine? I managed to carry them outside with Hudson and Sayen but they have to leave already. I don't wanna risk droppin' them"

Holden and Connor retreat so I can't even suggest they do it. Trudging outside with Cas behind me I see the amps. Jasper's van is running with the doors open with two guitar cases and some boxes packed inside already.

"How heavy are they? Should we tag team it or do you want to carry each one together to be safe?"

He stops walking and I notice how much more ahead of him I am from the door, "Heavy but I think you two can handle it. By the way, thisdoorlocksfromtheinside"

HUH. Two seconds later, Jasper's thrown and locked out with me. We awkwardly exchange no words while we do what we're supposed to. We lift the much heavier ones together to avoid any accidents and the only somewhat heavy ones individually. There's not too much so it doesn't take long. With the main equipment out of the way he breaks the silence, "Are you still sure you want to do this?"

"We're almost done. I got the last one"

"Matty" He sighs, "That's not what I meant"

There's a lighter and smaller one left, so I pick it up myself. I set it on the edge and look inside trying to see where to put it so it doesn't move when he drives. I slide some things around a few times for more purposeful space and use some gripping mats I'm assuming are made for this very purpose. I still don't know where to put it. Maybe it should've gone in first.

"It goes here" Jasper presses his body against my back warming it up as he reaches over me. He grabs some rope connected to one side of the van to hook it onto the other side securing the smaller amp in perfectly. It's all pushed back leaving a little over half the room inside unused. When he's done and his back straightens, he doesn't move away.

"Do you still want to be with me?" His hands slowly find their way to my sides. Instinctively my body sways towards him and his lips touch my neck in a timid kiss. Too shy to respond I nod.

His fingers play with the material of my shirt up from under my jacket and expose my skin. I shiver at the cold air that runs up my abdomen.

I wait for something more, some suggestive touch or sexual advance. But instead, his arms go inside my shirt and wrap around my torso in a tender embrace.

"Can I drive you home?"

I've been nervous all day, even more now alone with him in his van. I don't know if I should ask him now or later. If it's good timing at all.

I give him instructions to get to my grandma's since he's never been, and once I know we're 5 minutes away I gas myself up until I finally think... 'fuck it'.

Go for it. Say it. Now.

"Jasper"

"Hm?" He keeps his eyes on the road, looking out for the address numbers on the houses.

"We've never mentioned this, but, uh..." Just say it. I wipe the sweat on my palms over my jeans.

"Matty. It's okay. Say it"

Say it.

"Do you want to go out with me? Be my boyfriend?"