It's About Her!

Its Okay, to be not Okay!

"Huh? I thought you hate my driving skills." he looked at her puzzled.

"When did I ever mention your name?" she chewed her lower lips, refraining herself to laugh.

"It is quite the obvious." he looked around proving a point to her and then smiled, " So you basically enjoy dating me."

Her cheeks began to turn a darker shade of pink, " Do you really call this a date?" 

"Let me think, " he paused briefly, " We eat, talk, sleep and do pretty much everything together. This is dating!" he counted the list on fingers and snapped at her.

"No, it is not. The date is something we announce before and give time for preparation. Exchange gifts and have a pleasant evening." she explained to him as if talking to a child.

"Unbelievable! You speak as if you have gone on thousands of date. Teaching me! Me? My dating experience is more than the days you lived on this earth." he boasted ignorantly.

He expected her comeback but all he met with was silence. He looked back at her and noticed the unusual silence between them. "Hey, What's wrong?"

"Nothing." she nods and looks away, touching her eyes with the tip of her fingers.

"Come on, tell me. What is it?" 

"Nothing." She slipped out of his gentle grip and stood up. " I am famished. Let's grab something to eat first."

Aditya stared at her worriedly for a few seconds before giving her a gentle nod. He stretched her hand and she readily took it. He stood up with her hand in his and they walked together to the car with the traces of emotions following their footsteps behind.

Aditya helped Zoya to sit in the car and then he jogged to his side. The silence in the car bothered Aditya.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

Zoya squeezed her brow at a strange feeling but tossing the thought aside she turned her head to Aditya. "Yes."

Aditya felt the pain in her voice. She was not okay. And there was nothing to hide about it. He wanted her to know she has him now no matter what is their fate.  He brought his hands on either side of her face and dropped a soft kiss on her forehead.

"You did well." He wrapped his arms around her petite frame and kissed her shoulder once again.

she leans away and looked into his eyes to understand the meaning of his words and when she did, her eyes formed tears.  He felt her pain as if they were his own.  He caressed her back gently for comfort meanwhile he repeated in her ears, "You did well."

***

There was not even a day where Arjun didn't prove his capability and showed his talent to the world. If Anjana is the core of the party, he became the pillar. His decision was not always rational, but they were always within the party interest. Meetings after Meeting kept him busy for days and he was hardly ever seen sleeping in House. Everything was going as per his desire the only thing that was collapsing behind this massive success was his relationship with Noor.

Arjun began to neglect Noor's existence. The loneliness in the house and within her soul gradually started to eat Noor from inside. Her destiny was similar to the flower that is plucked from its root for a few minutes of happiness of someone. The attraction is momentary and the pain is forever, people tend to forget and let it die for those two min happiness. Noor was fading away same as the flower, she wanted to swim to the shore desperately, fighting for each day with her self and her negative /Self-harming thoughts. Trying to be strong in the eye of the public while she is collapsing deep inside. The only thing that held her sanity was her fate in her God. Noor began to spend days and nights reading the holy books and praying for Anjana's and Hooda's wellbeing. She was not okay, but she tried to look okay and that was the only thing keeping her going.

Her phone rang once again and she refused to glance at the screen. The rings went off after a few times and then there was another notification of a new message from the same sender.

She picked up the phone to read it and looked away. It hurts her to see him begging. He is close to her, he is the only person who understands her. In the past few days, something has changed between them. Something, which she is too scared to acknowledge. She felt herself walking on the edge of her life where her body, her soul and her mind wanted a man to fill the space inside her. 

As slowly the waves of sinful thoughts began to scar her mind she quickly walked to the shelf to pick up a holy book and started reading it. She tried hard to focus on the book but her mind kept wandering to the time that she wanted to forget, the emotions that she wanted to suppress and the memories that she desperately wished to erase. 

Even after trying several times when she failed to bring her focus, Noor closed the book and touched her temple on it asking for its forgiveness. Thus, respectfully she picked it up and return it to the shelf. When she turned she heard the footsteps of her husband. He looked like a mess, a deep dark circle forming under his eyes and uncombed hair. She could smell liquor on him as well. Noor quickly walked to his side and helped him from falling. Then shifting his weight on her, she dragged him to their room.

"Why are you not sleeping yet?" he asked slurpily.

"Its morning Arjun," she replied softly.

"Oh is it." he looked around confirming the fact. " Yes, it is morning already." he looked surprised. "I am sorry Noor, I wanted to return early but then meetings turned into few rounds of alcohol and then we lost the track of time."

Usually, Arjun never explains anything to Noor, so it was clear he is in a good mood. Noor smiled sadly and nods her head. She placed him on the bed and went to the end of the bed to remove his shoes.

"Noor, I love you. I love you and I miss you." He attempted to lift his head a little but fell flat on the bed again.

"But why don't you love me?" the sadness in his voice made nor stop in her track.

"I only love you," she replied softly.

"No, you don't! if you did you would have missed me, as I miss you." his eyes sliced her soul. When will you believe me? she found herself asking.

"See you are not replying again?" he laughed. " Noor, It's okay! you don't love me. But can you at least be faithful to me. Never leave me!" he lifts himself again and pulls her to himself.

She didn't have an answer to this. No matter how much her heart shouted to reply to him a yes, but still, she remained silent.

"I love you," he confessed again, combing her hair with his fingers. "More than you know." he breathed alcohol on her face.

Noor nods in yes and puts her back to bed while she moves around and removes his cell phone. She feels a paper in his pocket which she pulls out with the phone. She keeps the phone aside and opens the paper, already knowing what it could be. Her heart wrenched as she cried internally glancing at the paper. It was a hotel receipt testifying her fear once again. Noor crumbles the paper in her fist and tossed it aside on the floor while she picks her phone and dials a number, knowing very well that this step would end everything between them.

"Hello Rajveer, I am ready to do it," she replied. while she looked at Arjun with pain, sorrow and betrayal. A line of tear threatened to leave her eyes as she blinked to push it away.