A Tender Touch

This is me

Being a woman in the outside world is tough. Everything you do needs to be a gesture of strength to prove to others you deserve to be where you are. When I started dancing that notion that I had that women needed to prove more of themselves than men did, changed. I was shown that being a woman in the world of dance you are held at the utmost regard of others. They look at you and wish they could be you or at least be able to do what you do, they envy the way you move, the way you carry yourself and how confident you are when your feet touch that dance floor that you spilt blood sweat and tears to be where you are.

The only thing they don't know and would never be able to see just by looking at you, is what you went through to get where you are. I certainly was not the image I just portrayed so, picture this...

Blond hair and blue eyes, tall but to ashamed to be too tall which led to a posture problem from trying to shrink myself down to respectable size. Legs for days but feet to match which means I never set foot in a high heel or any type of open shoe or sandal and so unconfident that I couldn't make eye contact with a stranger for more than two seconds. I made my way through the world by shrinking myself, making myself as unnoticeable as I possibly could and blending into my surroundings.

Why did I do these things? It might sound exactly like every other story you've heard but I was bullied and ridiculed throughout my high school years and from then on decided that being by myself and basically disappearing to the outside world would be my best option. Don't get me wrong, not everything about me and my life was bad. I didn't have a dad growing up but my mom is the best person in the world and she more than made up for the fact that my dad didn't care to be in my life.

I have a baby sister that I love with all my heart and soul and my stepdad is the sweetest person you'll ever meet, so you see my home life was one of the places that I could be me.

Now that you know a little bit about me I should probably get on to the part where I explain where this beautiful confident women I spoke of earlier comes from. I am she and she is me.

I started ballroom dancing when I was about ten years old. My mom, the wonderful angel she is, took me to a class and when I stepped into that studio I felt something in me come alive. I was able to follow any dance pattern they did with me without any formal classes. I had this natural beautiful talent to move my feet and body along with every step even though I wasn't taught. I felt the rhythm of the music and new exactly what to do with my feet without even thinking about it. That was where I found a part of myself I never knew I had. I danced for about two years when my dad made me stop, to him it wasn't necessary for me to be doing something I loved because it cost him more than he preferred to spend on me. Needless to say when my mom left him it was the best day of my life.

I hadn't danced for about 5 years when my mom saved up enough money and took me to a new studio to let me do what I loved. It was amazing, this was two years into high school and going to my lessons was the only thing except my family that was keeping me sane. As we all know though, shit happens, and after dancing for 2 years my mom got sick. She had liver cancer and had two strokes in the span of one year, she wasn't getting better so I started homeschooling and stayed home to look after her which effectively stopped my lessons and I wasn't able to go on for a long while.

When things started getting better I had by that time finished school and was working three jobs to help us stay above water while my mom was healing and had gone into remission, so of course I had no time or money to start dancing and so I left it and told myself that the right time would come for me to start it up again. That time came one afternoon when I was walking home from work and heard music coming from an upstairs loft a few blocks from home. Looking up to where the sound was coming from I saw shadows move passed the window to the rhythm of the music and thought I would have a look. I found the door with a sign saying Molly's dance studio, for a moment I hesitated but something pushed me forward and I opened the door and saw five or six couples dancing to a tango and I felt like I had come home.