𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍─𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐲 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞²

38. the enemy itself

"Well, you're here because of him, right? The only reason you stayed behind with Raven on the mothership was to spite Bellamy."

I bit down on the inside of my cheek before shaking my head. "I stayed back because Raven shouldn't have had to be left all alone."

Murphy gave a slow nod, one in which alluded to the fact that he did not believe me what-so-ever. Was he right? If Bellamy and I had have still been together, would I have offered to stay? Would Bellamy have let me?

"What happened to you, Collins?" Murphy wondered, his eyes studying my face. "You used to be Bellamy's little Sunshine, always so optimistic and hopeful. And now I swear it's like you've stopped caring about everything."

I cleared my throat, feeling the pressure of his stares. "A lot has changed since then." I answered, a certain snippiness to my words. "I lost everything, so excuse me for losing the twinkle in my eye."

He didn't back down, still trying to get me to reveal all of my deepest, darkest feelings. "What really happened between you and Bellamy? You were like kids in love and then--"

"--You heard what happened." I snapped, the emotions from that night resurfacing. "He doesn't love me anymore, simple as that. And besides, sometimes people just break up, John. You of all people should know that." The latter part of my response was an evident jab, but I didn't regret saying it.

Murphy still watched me with a certain soft intent as he nodded. "I had a crush on you when we first got to Earth, you know..." 

I didn't respond, just maintained eye contact as I waited for him to continue with whatever angle he was getting at. 

"I knew I didn't have a chance the minute I saw the way he looked at you...and the way you looked right back at him." He let out a small laugh. "It was like an unspoken rule, no one would even dare go near you in fear that Bellamy would find out."

I rolled my eyes. "He didn't own me." I muttered, but couldn't help the butterflies that rose in my stomach at the thought. 

Murphy ignored my comment. "He didn't actually admit it to anyone, but the way he looked out for you, even when you didn't know it, made it pretty damn obvious. Anytime anyone said anything even remotely rude about you, he shut it down."

"You mean like the rude things you used to say to me." I inquired, raising my brows as I gave him a challenging look. 

A another small laugh came from Murphy's lips as he dipped his head slightly. "I was an ass because I was jealous of Bellamy, in more ways than one. And I was insecure...if you couldn't tell."

I gave him a small smile as I nodded. "So what you're saying is you're actually in love with me and have been for the past 7 years?" I questioned, a teasing grin coming to my face as I knew that was far from the truth.

Murphy playfully rolled his eyes. "Get off your high horse, Collins. That crush died about as quickly as it started."

I still wore a smug smile on my face as Murphy's smile slowly faltered. "What I'm actually trying to get at here, is that Bellamy has loved you basically since the minute he met you, and I can almost guarantee that that love didn't just vanish."

His eyes shifted to the line of cots to our left, particularly on one cot. "You know, even when I could barely stand to look at Emori, I never stopped loving her. Love like that, it just doesn't go away."

As he looked back at me, the smug smile on my face had faded and instead I watched him quietly. It was nice to actually know what was going on inside the mine of John Murphy for once..to understand his feelings.