Unfettered (Loki x Reader)

Chapter 7 - Playing With Fire

For all intents and purposes, Clint is just a guy with great aim.

"You saved just as many people as the rest of the team during the battle, you know," you say quietly as you follow Clint into the elevator. "I saw it."

"Yeah," Clint scoffs, hitting the big G button. "Sure. After Loki had his fun with me."

"What does that mean?" you ask. 

Clint's lips press together in a thin line, and he pales. "Fury kept it out of the logs as a favor to me," Clint says. "So not many people know. But during the battle...Loki did something to my head. Took over my mind. Made me do things I...," Clint trails off, anger and embarrassment coloring his cheeks. "Look, it's not important," Clint snaps. "What's important is I was too weak to fight him off. And he used me to hurt people."

You fall silent as the elevator descends, horrified. Thor told you Loki can manipulate minds. But Clint's insinuation is that Loki's hold over him was so strong, he had completely quashed his free will.

The thought is terrifying. And familiar.

Your gaze flits to Clint, whose knuckles are white with how tight he grips his duffel bag. 

"You ever have those dreams where you're running away from something," you ask. "But you keep falling? And no matter how many times you try to stand up, you can't?"

Clint's gaze cuts to you, but he stays silent.

"That's what it felt like for me," you say. "When HYDRA used to inject me at the beginning. When they forced me to use my Perception. I...I couldn't control it. I saw and heard everything around me - more than I wanted to - but I couldn't stop it. I'd attack the people they put in front of me," you frown. "Psychically attack, I mean. And every time I tried to stop, I'd hurt them worse. It felt like those dreams. I just...I couldn't stand back up. I couldn't take back control. Not until they let me."

Tears brim in Clint's eyes as he fights to remain stone-faced. But when the elevator doors open and he steps out, a single, silent tear rolls down his cheek. 

"Listen, I don't care how you do it," Clint says voice hoarse as he chokes back the emotion. "But we need to know if he's got something else planned. Because I won't let my kids be put at risk like that again. Ever."

Clint reaches for the panel, and hits the button to take you back up to the common room. And as the door slides closed you find yourself with a new level of determination to get Loki to talk. And a new level of contempt for the raven-haired god so willing to take over someone's mind. 

Angry in a way you haven't been in a long time, you slink back to your room and try to meditate. But after an hour, you're still uneasy by what Clint told you. His story left a bitter taste behind. Desperate to cleanse your palate, you grab a light jacket and head for the underground garages. You ignore the cars parked neatly in a row and opt instead to walk. It doesn't take long to emerge from the secret, underground street back into the chaos of the city for the first time since the day of the battle. Since the day you lost Phil. 

I don't have to go back.

This fleeting thought passes through your mind so quickly, and so loudly, that it takes even you by surprise. 

"That's ridiculous," you mumble to yourself. "I can't just run away from this."

Still, you're unsettled that you even had that thought to begin with. You scan the street, spotting a young man sitting on a nearby bus-stop bench. He has headphones on, and a small, passive smile paints his lips as he keeps his face turned to the sun. You hesitate for only a moment before establishing a connection with your Perception to Bleed him, desperate to get rid of the detest for Loki that Clint's story has planted in your heart. You know it will do nothing but make you sloppy - something Loki could take advantage of.