What a Sick World

You dont get it

⚠️TW⚠️ this part contains self harm and blood in paragraph 8 please skip if your not comfortable.
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"Do you even care? Do you even care that your failing classes?" my mother yelled.

"Yes." I lied. She used to make me cry but now she yells so often it doesn't affect me.

"Go! Go tell your brother and sister dinners ready!" She yelled frustrated. I walked to my brother and sisters room told them both that dinner was ready. Then I proceeded to drag myself back into the kitchen.

"i'm not hungry." I said.

I don't deserve that food not today. I told myself as I walked back down the creaky stairs into the basement where my bed is and stepped over all the clothes, wrappers, and books in my floor. I hopped into bed and just laid there thinking. She's never gonna understand what this is like for me I don't know why I even try.

That dark cloud feeling that's always hovering over me grew bigger and I felt a wave of pure heart break suffocate me. I felt a tear roll down my face. Another tear and more after. My heart ached not because of this dark cloud that follows me everywhere, but because my own mother doesn't understand me she doesn't know me. her voice replayed in my head,

Your not depressed. I know my own daughter you still laugh and smile and joke your happy stop seeking attention Lia!

I started to cry harder. I suddenly got so frustrated and angry. I slammed my fist on the nightstand.

"what the fuck!" I cried angrily to myself.

I stormed to my bathroom. I picked up a new razor I carefully took it apart and pulled out a single razor blade, cleaned it. I looked down at my forearms both with scabby healing cuts all over them I watched as the tears dropped onto my arms.

"This is what you do to me." I said to myself.

I quickly dragged the blade across my arm cutting the skin once on both arms. I watched as the blood dripped into my sink. It hurt and stung but it's what I craved.

I grabbed a cotton pad and doused it in rubbing alcohol I wiped my fresh wounds with the cotton it stung I didn't mind it. I liked it. I just didn't want to admit that.