Room 508

Sitting in the blanket of darkness this spot is excluded, only a few of us know this hideaway. The sky is adorn with the sparking of the stars and the full moon, reflecting off the waves of the ocean, the black pool, unending abyss.  The pull, the rise, the rhythmic rise and falls of the waves , in sync with my heartbeat, is the perfect soundtrack  to this scene. As I look to my right and left, the lovers ,a safe distance from each other,  only the dance they play is illuminated by candles, the sound of the waves, are only interrupted by the deepest moans that are only heard when pure ecstasy is achieved. 
I sensed his presence, awaken me, he is walking up to me from behind, my heart skipped a beat, pulse is racing,  I am anticipating, my mouth is salivating, my skin is tingle,  he sits behind me, his legs wrapping around me, his masculinity surrounds me. I know I am safe, I let my head fall back, I can let go. His arms hold me, my hands finds his head full of thick, coarse locks, they are free and wild. He kiss me behind my right ear and whispered to me, "Baby, I want you, it has been so long" his tongue brushes along my spot which is familiar to him, a moan escapes from my lips. Inhibition asked, Do I let this happens here? Shame because it is outside? Who am i trying to hide from? The person who is the author of my soul, knows what the darkness tries to hide so why should i care what these same humans like me, trying to hide but the auditory can not. Before I could make up my mind, he moves away from me, Oh God please don’t leave, I was pleading with my eyes, as I stood up, he grabbed my stuff and gave me his hand, I followed, he lead, I would gladly go, he was controlling me,I must say, I loved it. In my regular 9 to 5, I was the head, always in charged, I had to be hard, authoritative, the boss, at home as well,lost in thought, the next thing i know ,The beautiful, Sands Hotel was in front of me. The building,standing about 20 feet high, the color of pink salmon, golden lights a blazed, fountains with purple water, dancing in sync with the Caribbean beats of the music, flowing from the speakers hanging high in the trees. We got to the glass doors that opened by themselves, we walked in the foray, are feet sunk into the plush of white carpet,  the room was buzzing with activity. People checking in or out, folks at the bar, listening to music, laughing and drinking. We made our way to the elevator, he pushed the up arrow, the waiting had my heart  jumping with fear and anticipation. The elevator door opened and we both jumped, we looked at each other, laughed and smiled, embarrassed and guilty at the same time. we walked into the elevator, he pushed the numbered 5, I stood with my back against the wall, and he stood in front of me, the heat , the animalistic lust, was burning between us, was about to consume me, I promise if he kissed me, I don’t think I could wait, thank God the bell rung and the door opened. He walked out first with my things, I followed him, looking at the numbers, 500 , 502, 504, 508, he open the door with the key card, he walks in first, dropping my stuff at the door, the scent of vanilla and honey filled my nose. This scent always was my favorite, it calms me. But not even my favorite scent could calm these butterflies.  He put my bags down, and I took my shoes off, my feet automatically sunk into the white, plush carpet, I am on autopilot,  my destination toward the L shaped, chocolate,  colored, couch. I sat down, looking nervously around, why? The scene is the same, the walls were painted a dark yellow, with pictures nesting hang, portraying all four seasons, illuminating by the candles, that was around almost everywhere. I was lost in thought, and was brung back to reality by the sound of the shower. I heard the door open, my heart leaped , my eyes focus to where the sound was coming from, and he walked out wearing only a light blue fluffy towel around his waist. My God, his body, black onyx, sculpture, cut in all the right places, there is a reason, this black man  is called a king. His skin,  dark, kissed with mealin, His eyes were on me, I felt the heat, burning into my, I could not run away if I wanted too, and I didn’t want to. I got up, I am caught in his spell.  He, was looking me up and down,with a slight smile, So i went, to the one that would cause me to sin and later repent. The lights were low and the candles were lit, he stood behind me, his breath was on my neck, it was hot, sending tingles down my spine, the butterflies were still fluttering inside, his arms came around and his fingers found the buttons on my cover up, as the last one came undone, it fell to the floor, I wanted to run, I wanted to stay, he came in front of me, and his hands was under my dress, his fingers were sliding upwards from my knees, up my thighs, I whimpered, Please stop, did I really wanted him to? I don’t know but it didn't matter, he slid my dress over my head. No underwear was needed, he opened the glass shower door, which was already fogged by the steam from the hot water, I stepped into the shower, letting all six shower heads hit me at once, i braced myself with my hands on the wall. I felt his presence, behind me. the shower door closed, he grabbed the soap, which the sweet smell of strawberry, his hands starts to rub my back, starting from the small of my back, going toward my shoulders, in circle motion, his hands found my thighs, they separated, for him to find her, this place is sacred, not to be cheated by a finger, but washed with tenderness, and the softness of a towel. he tells me to turn around, so the water can rinse the soap off my back. He looks me up and down, savoring me.  "you are absolutely beautiful " my inhibition, my hang ups, are down, he makes me feel so beautiful, sexy, confident, these are things that I am missing. To be treated like a woman first and boss second. I am weak around him, I am venerable,  he motioned me to turn around, to do my front like he did my back. he circled my breasts, continuing down toward my thighs, I took the soap, that I found in the soap dish, manly scent. His pectoris were sculptured to perfection, his Abs, would put, Gerard Butler, too shame, but that was fantasy and this was reality. I was in the now, I wanted to travel downward, i wanted to touch the member that gives me so much pleasure, but i would not dare. It needs to remains a mystery.he turned around and i washed his back, as both of us let the water rinse the soap off of us, he reached around me and cut off the water and opened the glass door, grabbed two towels that were setting on the rack above the toilet, giving me one, he wrapped it around his waist, I wrapped it around me. We walked into  the bedroom, that was only dimly lit by the light blue light under the bed. I finished drying off and laid on the bed and pulled the cool sheets on me. i saw his silhouette coming close to me, please make these butterflies in my stomach, slow their fluttering, I saw his shadow was dancing on the wall, i felt the sheet slowly pulling down, passing down over my breasts to my abdomen  then my waist then to my ankles, I  am exposed, my wall is showing the  cracks, he has weaken me he grabbed something off the dresser, I heard it opened and the room quickly filled with the thick smell of coconut, I felt something warm hit my skin between my breast that made me arch my back, he stood over me, pour this oil, a trail running from the top to the my feet, the oil oozed through my toes, i felt the warmth of his tongue, on my great toe, this startled me, I almost kicked him, he laughed, and I did also, me from embarrassment, him because he knows what happens every time, he does this. you see, this is not our first dance, this twirl of two committing the perfect crime, who are we hurting? Who are we killing? Two people who did not know that they are in danger, I was so careful to make sure no one will ever know. His tongue is being used as a brush, slightly, softening tracing up from my top of my right foot, to my thighs, he looked up in my eyes, with a smirk on his face, he knows that she misses him, but not now, he wants to punish me.torture me with the sentence of time. He starts to kissed me softly, from my abdomen, my arms are above my head, i felt his hand reach under the pillow. I felt the softness that touched my arm, i looked to see what it was, a silk tie. I smirked now, his lips found mine, and just brushed his lips against mine, he tied my wrists to the headboard, the fear of the unknown, made my heart skipped a beat. Our eyes locked, his eyes reassured me. I was safe with him, my inhibition was gone, eyes never left each other as I heard the glass tingled as the top was being removed, it was not candy, although, some were pleasing to the palate, flicker of the flames, caught the the glass bowl and the cast of colors , played upon the wall. The  use of protection, did make this sin responsible, I mean the mature path to take or is it me consciously acknowledging what I am doing? He found the one, stimulating in ridges and all. I wish my hands were not tied, so I could put it on.  After, he did he laid by me, he took his index finger and traced my sternum all the way to my belly button.  God, the electricity was intense , caused my body to become ridged just like him. His lips lightly brushed my right nipple, then he licked my breast.
“Baby, have you had enough fore, can we now begin with the play?” Asking me that reminds me of one of my favorite songs right now, Ro James’ Permission . All I could do, is nod my head yes. He touched my chin and turned my head until my lips found his and he kissed me deeply, something in me broke, all of the human emotions , I felt all at once and the tears begin to fall. I hate when that happens, I am always in control of my emotions, I just can't explain it. He laid on top of me, my legs opened and welcoming him, encircling him, locking him, he found her, and penetrating her. OMG, I think I just had a near death experience, I am ascending, floating, to the highest of high. The back and forth , thrusting, was he talking. I wasn’t sure, because my head was underwater.  I moved, he moved we were in perfect sync. Our rhythm was in unison. Sweat was covering us, and the tie that had my hand bound was losing, I worked to free them. I put my finger to his lips. I hate when people talk during sex. He stop talking, I like to hear the background sounds of lovemaking . When you are caught up in the moment, whispers are welcomed, I am rubbing, my fingers up and down his spine. His was whispering my name over and over in my ear, it I started to call his name over and over, his name that was a fixture on my lips. The intensity , the rhythm of this dance is building  up to its climactic scene.  I wanted to hear him say it , those three little words. Please just let him say it, but those words can not be uttered. That deep primal moan escaped at the same time , we have peaked over the edged and it was time to jumped, he always let me cum first. Organic chemistry , earth shattering I release, he released at the same time. My God, my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. He collapsed on me and my legs, which were spastic,  now begins to relax, all I hear is silence and the palpation of my heart beat in my ears. He rolls off of me, laying on his back, his respiratory rate was starting to ease. I curled up in the fetal position,  i never want him to touch me, i needed to justify the unjustifiable, he got up and pulled the sheet on me. The sunshine was peeking thru the blinds, I  stretched,  my arm felt the empty side of bed, not expecting him to be there, because he never was. I sat on the side of the bed, inhaling, trying to clear my mind. When, I pulled the sheets away, his scent hit my nose,  making me remembering his fingertips on my back. My body shook with the thoughts of what we did last night. I needed to get going, my feet hit the softness carpet, plush, I walked into the bathroom, looking in the mirror,  the image staring back at me was a sinner, a murderous dream killer, I quickly walked to the shower, opening the glass shower door,  turning the water on ,regulating the temperature to hot. All six water heads were on. I needed the water to cleanse me, hot is supposed to clean, purified, punishing me.washing all the evidence of the crime away. I stand there letting the water, mixing with my tears , I scrubbed rinsed, scrubbed and rinsed for several times, until my Brown skin turned red. I step out, and the cool air made the goosebumps appear. I grabbed the the thickest white bath towels that was hanging on the rack by the mirror. Drying off quickly,  not putting on lotion, no time for pampering,  I dropped the towel, walking out the bathroom into the room to grabbing the clothes I had on last night, no will notice, or will they? As I grabbed my overnight bag, I saw a letter on the night stand by the phone,
 “Bae, last night will stay with me until another last night to come, if I say I love you, you tell me not to say those words. So I will not say that for you to hear but it is my heart song,  that plays when I need to feel you near me. I do love you, until another last night.”
L
Tears starts to well up in my eyes, but they  can not fall. I actually shake myself, to clear the thoughts of no matter what I do ,hurt will always be done in the end. I grabbed my over sized black sunglasses.  These are supposed to hide the window of my soul. I walked to the  door , took a deep breath, grabbed the knob, opening the door, stepping in the hallway,  looking to the right and the left, why was I looking, no one was in the hallway, and if there was, who would know me? I got to the elevator,  pushing the L button,  for the lobby. People were everywhere, some were checking in, somewhere checking out, others were at the dimly lit bar and restaurant. There were laughing,  talking about their flights,  plans not thinking about the woman trying to get out of the Hotel without being notice. I walked toward a big dark cherry desk, behind it was a dark, thick black young lady with a mega white smile hair was in a natural from. Her gold name tag said, her name is Joann. I slide my key card toward her across the desk.
"Everything is taken care of, I hope you enjoyed your stay?" I slightly smiled at her. I turned around and walked toward the glass door, the sun rays were passing through that glass door,  causing the reflections, of many colors. I was caught up in it, for a moment. Shaking myself, to alertness, i need to get back to reality.  Going, outside, i looked to the right and then to the left, cabs were there, not in great numbers like the sea of yellow, like in New York, but they had the cars and the men, that rode bicycles with white buggies attached, something was pulling at me. And i looked to my left and there he was. We, locked eyes, he was pulling  my heart, the pull was so strong, I  wanted to Have it, I  wanted this wantness, This glimmer of alternative  love,everything was lifted off my shoulders, I can be free with stipulations. Freedom, with a cost, but still freedom. His smile showed love, but his eyes, can not hide the  betrayal  the hurt that I caused . Did I alone caused it? Yes, I did. I got into my cab, and told the driver that I was going to the airport. Lost in thoughts, the next thing I know,  we are at the airport.  I swiped my credit card, grabbed my overnight bag, and got out. Looking at my phone for my plane ticket, to find my flight number, and the time for my departure.  My flight leaves at 2 pm and looking at my watch, it was 1230 pm, then I went and looked for my flight,  Delta 724, arriving in Houston at 1900, non-stop. I was allowed one carry on bag. So, I got to the gate 47, after going through that wonderful TSA  pat down after getting almost nude, quickly putting my shoes and grabbing my bag.  Looking out the window,  the sky was still powder blue without, any clouds, then the young lady, behind the desk, announced the boarding flight, 724, non stop to Houston,  now all boarding A, so people started to line up, she scanned all those , tickets,  until she got to C boarding pass. I got up and walked to get in line. The lady behind the desk had a megawatt smile, friendly eyes, after she scanned my ticket, she said enjoy your flight,  I didn't say anything but nodded my head. My seat was 32A,  I love to sit by the window. Walking on the plane, the crew was welcoming us, I walked behind an older man, people were putting their bags overhead, I found my seat , a found man, was sitting in 32B. He was a young man, probably no older than 18, the most piercing blue eyes, Sandy-blonde hair, with shorts, T-shirt and more importantly,  headphones in his ears. He stood up, and allowed me to get to my seat, after he assisted me with my bag,I said, thank you, he didn't look like he wanted to talk, and truth be told, I didn't want to either. As, we try and text our love ones or friends, we were about to take off, we cut our phones and listened to the instructions and looking at the stewardess,  showing us how to use oxygen mask and where to find your flotation device, ( every time I hear that my mind immediately goes to Prince, and his song, International Lover, I miss him so), As, I settle in for my flight, I try to clear my head of those visuals and sounds that take me right back into his arms, I am the reason for this episodes and all the other ones as well, I could stop this with one phone call, but i don't want to. I have all the reasons and justification for this and some of them are real issues that i could say and people would agree with me. Our flight was so eventful, and as quickly as we took off the, we were landing in Houston. The bell rung signaling to stay seated and put on our seatbelts on. My stomach had those same butterflies that I get when I come home. As we start to descend into the air strip and the wheels hit the ground, it was time for me to get my mind together. I always wait until the plane is almost empty to grab my bag. The young man who sat next to me, smiled at me as he grabbed my bag and his.  Smiling at him, I took it from him and started walking behind him, the crew was smiling at us and thanking us for flying with them. I walked into the tunnel to the airport, people like me were trying to find our way to ground transportation, I need to find me a cab. The vans were coming to pick up the park and ride customers, I was looking all around with my hand up and finally found one, the yellow cab, with a young man driving pulled up to me. He got out to open the door, and I got in, checking for his name badge and his picture, to check to see if he was who he said he was. I gave him my home address, I was not in the mood to talk to I just laid my head back with my eyes close. Leaving the airport and traveling to Beltway 8 to I45 North, the sun was setting and the sky was that bright orange, construction was always going on and the fact that since the recession, a lot of people moved to Houston from all over the world, and our traffic reveals it everytime we drive. From the Beltway, we took a curve onto I45 North, I looked to my right, and there set the remains of Greenspoint Mall, it was once the great mall in Houston, but that was in the past. Poverty and crime, has taken the shine out of this great area in Houston. I closed my eyes, I did hear that the city was trying to fix this area back to what it was. I pray this is so, i continued to just ride in silence to clear my mind, living in Spring Texas was a joy for me, I love the woods, space, but I was close to the freeway and to several Malls and shopping centers. I opened my eyes, as he was turning into my neighborhood, it was so peaceful here, furnished with homes that were from the 250,000 to the one million, we had our clubhouse, two swimming pools, a small golf course, our HOA dues were expensive but when you want all of those things, then you have to pay. He turned down my street, I live in a cul de sac, on the end. Our lawns were perfectly manicured, some had their in ground sprinkler system going, he pulled up in my driveway, I was searching for my credit card, to pay the fare and his tip, he got out and opened my door, such a nice young man, i thanked him and as i watched him drive away, the silenced was welcomed and also I wanted to have some noise, put here at night you might hear a dog bark if you are lucky. I turned to my lighten curved sidewalk to my glass front door, I put my hand on the door knob, and the nervousness in the form of butterflies, can be felt in stomach. As I reach my the front door knob, my hand was shaking. I turned the knob, and the door was unlocked, the alarm was not set, almost like I was expected, but I did not tell anyone what time I was to arrive home. Stepping into the house, the scent that hit my nose,  was vanilla,  glancing to my right, candles were lit on the table in my formal dining room , I dropped my overnight bag by the door, the sound echoed,  as it hit the hard, glassy, cherrywood floor, the house was so quiet, only hearing the tick tock of the grandfather clock by the door. I walked to the stairway,  the steps are the same color of the floor but the rails are cream color, I stepped on the first step, my heart is beating so fast, why, I don't know, as I ascended up the stairs, I did not look at the pictures that hung on the wall, they tell my truth, and i still wanted to live that lie, just little while longer, what lie is that? The lie of freedom, lust, the lie that I tell myself. I got to the top of the stairs, the two French doors, that open the passageway to my reality. My hands, trembling,  I took a deep breath in, opening the door, walking toward my round king size bed, black and purple cover and pillows, decorated my rest haven. I sat on the edge, taking off my shoes, looking around my room, all the familiar pictures and arts, I stood up and started removing my clothes, I walked toward my restroom, grabbing my IPod,  finding my favorite Iheart station, 24 hours of Slow Jams, I opened my glass shower door, cutting on the water, hot is not good for the skin, but it relax me, all six shower heads are on. I walked back to the mirror, wiping the fog away, revealing the face of the man who I promised, to be with, gave my heart to,  standing in a church in front of God and family, so many years ago. His arms wrapped around my waist and squeezed me harder. I just let go,  literally let myself feel free, to be protected. He kissed my neck, and whispered in my ear

“we missed you, I really missed you, how was your trip?” Finding my voice was harder, I could only whisper that my trip was ok. He looked up and we locked eyes, the love was still there, his voice still makes me shiver, his scent still makes me tingle. He let me go, and opened the shower door, I was still looking in the mirror and the reflection staring back at me, yes she is a liar,stealer, a killer of dreams, a heartbreaker. She is also, a woman, who wants to be treated like a woman, not just a wife, mother, and a boss. Do, asking for forgiveness,  is that granted because I am still commentating this crime. I wiped the mirror, symbolically trying to wipe myself clean, I turned around and saw the eyes, that were begging, longing for me to come back to him. There is a sense of sadness,  that comes from him every time. Do he know? And if he does, why do he stay? Maybe eighty percent is better than nothing. And for me, maybe fifty percent from both is better than, half a piece of happiness.  He got into the shower and I followed behind him. His hands were bracing himself, his head was hanging down, letting the water cleanse his head, washing his thoughts down his back, I wrapped my arms around him, letting the water wash away my tears,surrendering to him, my mind, my heart,  as I moved slowly to the back of the shower, sat down on my bench, he turned toward me , I opened up to give my whole self to him and he filled me up, as he picked me up, pushing my back against the wall. I wrapped my legs around him. I wanted every inch of him, I needed the pain, to be punished by him. With penetration, with every thrust that he gave,, I had to take, I needed to take, to settle my penance, or maybe, put a downpayment, to ease my own, conscience, today I could live without the lie, for now,  until next time my reality, needs a little dose of that lie to get by.