one of my fave songs to listen to while you read<3 just thought it would add a bit of ambiance (ooh fancy word I literally never used before. What does ambiance even mean? Did I use it right? Too many questions. lmao enjoy(^///^) )
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Hawks sat crouched outside the hospital room. The nurses thought it would be best to not let him in for the time being. After he finally calmed down they explained what happened to (Y/n). Apparently she didn't turn up to her rehab session so one of the nurses came to check up on her to see her sprawled on the floor, not breathing.
Hawks mentally beat himself up for not even considering that she had a heart condition and that yesterday was too much for her. Why didn't I fucking realise that she would be tired after our race. DAMMIT!
Hawks hated himself for forcing her to do all those things just to make him happy and couldn't believe he could act so selfishly. He sat outside the room as afternoon turned to evening belittling himself for every mistake he made.
He was practically in tears as the nurse opened the door and looked at him sitting crouched against the wall. "If you want you can come see her but please stay calm." Hawks didn't bother responding and rushed straight into the room.
(Y/n) was still unconscious. It broke him to see her stuck on all these different machines practically keeping her alive. She even had an oxygen mask helping her breathe. Hawks quietly walked to her side and held her hand."(Y/n) I'm so sorry. You bent over backwards making sure I had a good time. I didn't even consider that I was being selfish." He held her hand to his head and looked down as tears threatened his eyes. He felt so defeated, kneeling be her side begging for her to be okay. He didn't want her to die. He didn't want it to be his fault. "When is she going to wake up?" Hawks said in a stern voice, not bothering to take his eyes off of (Y/n) and look at the nurse he was talking to. "We don't know. Her surgery is soon so I'm sure after that I'm sure she will be fine." The nurse said but she felt really awkward standing there. "I'll u-um give you two some time. Call if you need anything."
The nurse leaves and Hawks sat in in silence, still holding (Y/n)'s hand. He spent the hours he sat at (Y/n)'s side reminiscing on all his past mistakes. Why did I force her to race me? She's a hospital patient goddammit why did I push her so far? Initially he only blamed himself for messing up that one day but the longer he sat there, the further back he went into the past, shunning himself for what he had done.
His mind went back to when (Y/n) had taken him flying. She practically carried him through the sky the whole time as he didn't have his wings. She seemed happy but was probably in extreme pain. Why did I push her that far? The guilt was eating Hawks alive.
He sat there for hours, not caring that afternoon turned to night and then morning again. He sat there, mentally punishing himself for what he had done to (Y/n). He thought about how she would be totally fine if he hadn't come to the hospital, if he hadn't gotten himself injured against Twice and Dabi, if he had just been a bit better. Hawks couldn't help but feel like he recently had been letting everyone down. He hadn't been keeping up with the news much or he had just been avoiding the news. He had enjoyed his little life enclosed in the hospital even if it felt almost claustrophobic, it was a nice break from the hero work. However his little double life may not be so great from now on as (Y/n) was totally unconscious.
Hawks would have liked to sit next to (Y/n) the whole day or until she woke up but was soon dragged out of the room to eat something otherwise he would have starved himself wait for her to wake up. As soon as he was done he went immediately back to his spot right next to her.
Hawks knew (Y/n) was a bit weaker than most but sitting by her side for so long he noticed how skinny and frail she really was. There was nothing wrong with the way she looked after all it wasn't her fault she had an illness. In truth he always thought she was really pretty but that didn't help the fact that he felt guilty for all he had put her through.
Hawks ceased to noticed the time, date or anything going on in his surroundings as his eyes were fixated on (Y/n). It was only when the guilt got too much for him that he couldn't bare to look at her any longer. Hawks hung his head low feeling as if he had lost every bit of pride in himself. Tears he had held back for ages started to stream down his face. He sat silently crying and holding (Y/n)'s hand tighter and tighter. "(Y/n). (Y/n)." He continuously said her name until it tasted like acid down his throat. It was like he was calling out to her, begging for her to come back.
"♪two birds on a wire♪ ♪one says 'come on' but the other says 'I'm tired'♪ ♪the sky's overcast and I'm sorry♪ ♪one more or one less♪ ♪nobody's worried♪"
Hawks slowly raised his head, not sure whether to believe the sweet, soft voice he was hearing was real of a figment of his imagination. She was looking up at the ceiling with her eyes closed as she had been the whole day but then her head slowly moves to look at him. She gives him a warm smile through the breathing aid around her mouth. Hawks stared at her in disbelief and cried with joy. "(Y/n) I'm sorry it's all my fault." He cried out, still holding her hand. "No it's not, Hawks." He voice was small and weak but still as soft as ever. "But you almost died!"
"Anybody could die at any moment. I just stopped breathing for a bit, no big deal."
"NO BIG DEAL?! YOU ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF ME DON'T SAY THAT!" (Y/n) just softly chuckled at his loud outburst. "So I guess you missed me, huh." she said to him. Hawks leaned over the bed and gently kissed her forehead.
"Yeah. I did."
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I hope you like this chapter. Originally it was really sad and depressing and I couldn't write it without crying so I watered it down a bit. Hopefully it was still enjoyable.
Also a quick thank you for taking the time to read this. This is my first story and I appreciate you reading this even if you don't vote for it. Thank you for your time it makes me happy to see even 1 person read this (^///^)
