On My Own Time

Chapter 14

I woke up to the sound of my ringtone going off right beside my head. I groaned loudly and attempted to turn it off but as soon as I did it was silent for about a minute before it went off again. I was beyond tired and it had to be about two in the morning. With a heavy sigh I answered the phone and mumbled a hello.

"Did I wake you?" Victor said with a chuckle, already knowing that he did.

I didn't have the strength to come up with a sarcastic comment so I instead mumbled an 'mhm.' He found this to be amusing and he let out more chuckles. I was slightly confused as to why he was calling so late- or early I guess. I tried to think of why but I was so tired that I felt myself slowly falling asleep again.

"I was worried."

This at least got me to open my eyes again as my brain registered what he said. He was worried? About what?

"You did not text me when you were with Max and I thought that we would at least be texting. Why do you sound so tired anyways?"

"Oh sorry, Max and I got competitive on the game and his mom came home and drained us with one of her bible talks," I explained and released a sigh, rubbing my eye.

That woman would not let me leave for another two hours. I was so drained by the time I got home that I knocked out right away. Even though it sounds awful, texting Victor was the last thing on my mind. I went to sleep singing a church song so yes, I was not thinking about Victor. Gosh, thinking about Max's mom's lecture was giving me a headache and I refrained from releasing a groan. I hated those lectures so much.

"You spent a long time at Max's place."

"Blame his mother," I grumbled and threw an arm over my eyes, blocking the light that was coming from the street lamp outside my window.

"Can we talk?"

"Are we not already?"

"I mean. . . Face to face."

A couple seconds later I heard a light knock on my door and I sat up. My mom was going to kill me if she found me awake on the phone. I quickly hung up the phone and silently apologized to Victor. Another soft knock was heard and I sighed, getting up and getting ready to act as if I was just woken up. I opened the door and my eyes widened when I saw Victor there. He smiled and walked in, silently closing the door behind him and locking it.

"What are you doing here?! This is crazy!" I whispered yelled at him, backing away from him.

"Relax, I was already here. I came over to hang with Caden and I ended up staying the night. You were already asleep when I got here."

That made me feel a little better but I was still cautious. This seemed like stalking but at the same time, Victor was in my room and my heart was beating away. I wasn't quite sure if it was out of fear or because of my attraction to him but it was beating away.

"Well what's up? I was in the middle of my beauty sleep," I said, crossing my arms and sitting down on my bed.

He sat down beside me and let out a sigh saying, "Okay, I was jealous today."

"Of what?" I asked with a scoff.

"That Max had all your attention today. What if he made a move on you?"

I had to stop myself from letting out a loud laugh. He couldn't be serious, right? Not only was he acting like a jealous boyfriend but he thought there was a possibility that Max had a thing for me? For crying out loud, the man is straighter than Caden and Caden would die before even thinking the possibility that he wasn't straight. I tried to not let my mind dwell too much on the fact that Victor was acting like a jealous boyfriend because we still weren't anything and we both aren't even out yet.

"Victor. . ."

"I know, I know," he released a sigh and stood up, getting ready to leave.

"What are we doing, Victor?"

This made his stop and turn back to me. His stare made me look down and I silently cursed myself for asking such a question. This was too much for two in the morning. I clearly wasn't thinking clearly and Victor probably wasn't either.

"I get jealous when you're with Max. I want you're full attention. I want to hear your laugh and see you smile. I want to be near you. I just. . . I want you."

I didn't know what to say. What do you say when the person who you've had an attraction to for a while finally says they want you? What would we even do? What could we do? We are both in the closet and I have no intentions of coming out. What if he wanted to and I didn't? I can't ask him to wait, that isn't fair.

"I can't give you what you want."

"What do you mean?"

I rubbed my forehead and released a sigh. This was tough. Here was my chance and I wasn't ready to take it. But this might be my only chance. I hate life.

"Victor, I'm not ready to come out. If you decide that you're ready and I'm not. . . I can't ask you to wait."

He shushed me and walked back to me, pulling me up so I was standing with him. He wrapped his arms around me and I grumbled at how much I liked it. This was torture and if I didn't get out now then I would stay like this with him and want more. Call me greedy but I wanted it. I wanted him. But at the same time. . . I didn't.