Just Another Guy Friend

Part 2 - Loss is Gain

I won't break up with him. I've learned from my mistakes, and I can't break up with him, which is fine by me, because I don't want to see his face, anyways. He would most likely tattle to mother and get me in trouble. She'd threaten to remove every chance I had with my future, and all of my suffering would have been pointless. Not that she'd actually care. She'd just find a new guy the next hour. So no, I won't break up with him. the best I could do is ghost him. Mother at least had some sense; It would somehow be surprising if she handed me over to a 30 year old guy, though not far fetched. Maybe she does have some respect for me, or maybe she knows I'd tell on her immediately as I got what I wanted. 

It was only 12, and Aaron had texted me 6 times...7...8. It was only a matter of time before he blew up, so I made it easier for myself and blocked him. As I had many times, I considered making some sort of crazy change to my looks to get people away. Dye my hair? That wouldn't help much. Poke an eye out? That'd just be stupid of me. Clothes can be changed, nails grow back, not showering is gross, gaining or losing lots of weight would be unhealthy, makeup can be washed off or added. I didn't have very many options, and besides, even if I got something to work, it'd ruin my chances for my dream job. I stared into the pond. I had nowhere to go from here. I just had to wait it out.

I stood and started on my way home. I generally tried to stay away from there, but it was getting hot, and Emily was at work. I had other friends, but none that I felt as comfortable talking to as Em. Besides, maybe mother wasn't home. I wished I could live with my father. I'd never met him, but the way mother talked about him-how much she hated him-I know he must be at least a little better than her. Besides, he's the one who started a successful business, she just made money off of him and threw him away. Monthly payment, full custody, half a business, and a restraining order. Though I know she only got the restraining order to get rid of him for good--or a least until she can't control me anymore.

I got inside. It smelled amazing and I could hear humming from the kitchen, so I quickly ran upstairs to my bedroom. She always refused when people offered to work for us. no maids, butlers, gardeners, tutors, or cooks. It always seemed like some sort of ridiculous paranoia, but I didn't mind, and it made it easier to tell if mother was home. I stared into my mirror. only a few more months. A few months. Then I'm gone. But months seem so far away. Would I really get rid of her after I started college? Or would I need something else, next? I started to panic. What next? She has so much power, what would stop her from screwing me over in the future, too? I'm never going to escape her. Before I had time to think about it, I grabbed the scissors sitting on my bookshelf and sliced off my hair. It had been down to my waist, due to mother convincing me that it'd be better for my career of choice if I kept it all those years. She knocked on my door. The world around me got fuzzy, and I vaguely remember the knocking getting louder. I hated my life here. Aren't parents supposed to love you unconditionally? Not threaten to get rid of your dream job. Not force you to be with guys you didn't want to be with. Not force you to be with guys. My room wasn't very high up. The knocking changed to banging on the door, and as if my body had a mind of its own, I ran to my balcony and flung myself off of it.