Destiny Reversed

Chapter 17 Pasts

"Can't sleep?"

Harry whirled around rapidly, startled to see Lily standing behind him, smiling slightly as a cool breeze blew through the rickety balcony. He'd almost forgotten she'd been there.

"You didn't talk at all," he noted absently, turning back to face the near empty parking lot. He heard her feet creaking on the floor as she stood next to him. Aren't ghosts supposed to float?

"No, I didn't."

"Why?" Harry demanded. "If you're here to help like you say you are, then why didn't you?"

"I thought you had control over the situation. You didn't need me anymore."

"Funny, I don't think I ever did." He quickly glanced at her, gauging her reaction.

"Perhaps, but I remember a time when you couldn't even roll over by yourself," Lily shot back. "Your dad would poke you a bit as you tried. I told him not to help, but –" She sighed. "James always was incorrigible."

"Did Sirius help too?" Harry asked, drawn into the conversation despite himself.

Lily laughed. "Of course! He wanted another walking and talking Marauder to spoil and teach tricks. Sirius had tried very hard to hide his excitement, as usual, but he can be so transparent sometimes. It's too bad Azkaban drained him of most of that energy –it's what made him Sirius."

Harry's blood froze. "Have –have you seen him? If you're telling the truth, that is," he added hastily.

His mother faced him with sad eyes. "You're still suspicious? I suppose it's rightly earned, with everything you've had to go through. I wish –never mind. Can't change the past, right?"

"But you can change the future?" Harry asked slyly. "Is that why you're here?"

"In a sense."

"Look, nothing in this place has been what it seems, and I still don't know what I'm doing here. And you clearly know something I don't."

"It's not important."

"The hell it's not!"

"I suppose it is, but you're –just be patient, there's a reason –"

"What, for everything? Was there a reason why you –Mum– she died here, once I was starting to get to know her?" Harry demanded. "Why am I here if I'm just going to lose a family I just gained? Is this some sort of sick cosmic joke?"

Lily sighed bitterly. "I think we're all stuck in one big joke, Harry. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't make the most out of this. Think about it; it's almost as good as –as seeing the future. Has it really been a negative experience? Haven't you gained something good from all this?"

Yes, he had, but her earnest tone made his eyes narrow and senses tune in to anything he may need to defend himself for.

"Was it you?" he asked, drawing his wand. "Did you send me here?"

"And how would I have done that?" Lily asked tiredly. She suddenly looked ragged, running a hand through her hair in a way reminiscent of her husband. "I'm dead, Harry. I can only do so much to affect the living."

"But you know who did, don't you?"

Lily hesitated. "No, I don't. I wasn't trying to imply –I'm just optimistic, I guess."

Harry scoffed. "Right."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "for dying and leaving you with Petunia. She hasn't treated you well, has she?"