Assorted Stories

The One Random Story I Did Before I Forgot:

It all came down to this moment, this one final task. Brian had completed all the other tasks on the list: he'd eaten the strange, probably-used-to-be-a-hamburger that was sitting in Jerry's desk drawer; he'd cycled around the block in his underwear; he'd collected four snails, seventy-two packets of sugar from Costa and eleven socks from unsuspecting colleagues and this was the final challenge. If he could get a photocopy of the boss man's driving license he'd beat Michael to the finish line and prove to Jane that he wasn't a coward like she thought he was. She might even agree to go on a date with him. A lot more rode on this than the annual office scavenger hunt trophy.

He could feel Jane's eyes flickering from her desktop to watch him. They both knew he was two tasks ahead of Michael, and they both knew that the moment Brian was waiting for was the boss man to take his bathroom break. He shifted in his office chair and Brian shifted too. Jane was probably laughing from behind her monitor. Why did he like her?

Suddenly the boss man got up and strode with purpose to the door and Brian darted out of his seat and caught the heavy fire door before it had managed to close. Now where was the boss man's wallet? He managed in the desk drawers and in the rucksack under the desk. Where could it possibly be?

Fortunately for Brian everyone in the office who might have cared about why he was infiltrating the boss man's office knew about the competition. Brian was beginning to fluster. He could feel each second pounding into him.

A friendly face appeared at the door. It was Jane.

"Try the jacket pocket silly." She said before darting off. Why she would help him, Brian wondered as his fingers closed around the leather wallet. He breathed out his relief.

Apparently the support wasn't continuing. Whilst Brian stood red-faced at the photocopier, making the valuable copy, the boss man came around the corner. Jane darted to talk to him. Brian's heart sank and kept sinking as the boss man walked over to him.

"Jane says you were in my office." He said. Could Brian's heart sink any deeper into despair? He blinked quickly as if that would give him something to say.

"To put out the fire." He said in his desperation to say something and instantly regretted it.

"What fire?" Demanded the boss man, swinging round to look, for just long enough for Brian to slip the license and wallet into his own jacket pocket.

"On your desk."

"Come and show me where." The boss man demanded. Brian grimaced, but followed obediently. Jane gave him a thumbs up. This was torture. At least after this, even if he got caught and didn't win, all the sneaking around would be over. No more pranks or dares for at least another year.

"Where was this fire?"

"Just there." Brian said, pointing to some papers. "It didn't leave a big mark." He was trying to discreetly put back the wallet.

"This is about the annual scavenger hunt, isn't it?" the boss man said. Brian dropped the wallet. The boss man raised an eyebrow.

"Sir?" Brian said feebly

"That better be the reason you have my wallet."

Brian sighed and admitted that it was for the scavenger hunt. The boss man finding out was an automatic forfeit.

The boss man laughed. It was an appalling sound to Brian. One filled with relief and mockery to his ears. "Every year," he said with emphasis, "Every year they think I'm oblivious. I'm not an idiot."

"No sir."

"I'm willing to make you a deal. I'll turn a blind eye in return for a favour."

Brian was hesitant.

"I want your help to prank Jane and Michael."

"Why?" asked Brain after searching for words for a few seconds. This certainly wasn't what he expected from the boss man.

"As payback." The boss man replied, implying it was an obvious reason. "Every year they prank me as part of the scavenger hunt, I want my own back."

"Okay." Brian conceded, sighing.

He walked over to a crowd of eager and expectant employees headed by Jane. He showed them the photocopy and plastered a smile on his face while they all cheered and celebrated his win. Jane grinned at him and he wondered what the boss man was going to ask him to do. Oh, how he wished this was over.