Chapter 13: Reason

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Derick

Loving her is like breathing. How could I stop?

I checked the clock na nasa bedside table niya and it said that it's already 3AM. But here I am, still wide awake at hindi makaramdam kahit kaunting pagka antok.

As I looked at her right now, I wonder if there will be any woman out there na kaya akong mahalin gaya ng pagmamahal na binibigay niya sakin. Not that I am thinking of breaking up with her. It's just hindi lang ako makapaniwala that despite nung nalaman niyang ampon ako still wala lang sa kanya. Seems like she's not bother by it at all.

Naisip ko na naman yun. On how I found out that I am just adopted. Sa totoo lang hindi ko naman sinasadya na malaman yun pero kusang nangyari. That day I bought a cake for mom bilang pasasalamat sa pagtanggap niya kay Erica. Sa totoo lang nung naging kami naman na nalaman din nila agad yun and surprisingly they have no say to that. And thanks to Elise too na pinagsabihan silang pabayaan ako sa kung sino ang gusto kong mahalin.

Ever since Erica became my girlfriend pakiramdam ko my life turned around. I feel like a new born child. Pakiramdam ko nabura na lahat ng mga masamang alaala ng kabataan ko. I didnt know then that love has the ability to cure the shit out of me. That a fucked up guy like me will have that one perfect reason to live.

In every inch of her ramdam na ramdam ko kung gaano niya ako kamahal. Yung way ng pagtingin niya sakin, the way she touches me, everything about her screams how much she loves me.

And I so fucking love her so much. I so love her more than I can bear that I wish to die so I can end this in high. Gusto kong mamatay na minamahal siya. I want my everything with just thoughts of her love.

I reached out for her and kiss her forehead gently. Gumalaw siya ng kaunti para mas yakapin ako pero hindi pa din nagising. I have this urge of waking her up and do it but I control myself.

Fuck, hindi ko naman maitatanggi na gusto ko yung mga nangyari samin. Of course, I have a goddess as a girlfriend but as much as possible ayoko naman na mapadalas yun. Ayokong sex ang maging foundation ng relasyon namin. I dont want that to be the reason kung bakit nagpapatuloy ang relasyon namin kahit na nga ba ginagawa namin yun out of love.

"Bakit gising ka pa?" medyo nagulat ako nung magsalita siya. Her eyes snapped open and looked at me

"Uhm, hindi ako makatulog eh" I answered and trace the point of her nose with my index finger.

We're here in her room. Actually hindi nga alam ng parents niya to. I just sneaked sa bintana katulad nung ginawa ko nung lasing ako nun na umakyat sa puno at doon dumaan.

I just want to be by her side. Especially when the thing with Ashley happened last time. That freaking woman! Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nalaman kung nasaan ako. She want us to be together again and acting like she did love me at nung tumanggi ako she kissed me. Sakto naman na dumating si Erica.

Hindi ko inaasahan yung ginawa niya. Buong akala ko magagalit siya but things turned out different. Jeez, the way she kissed me last time almost made lose control. Na baka nga hindi lang yun ang nangyari kung sakaling hindi ko naalala na kaya nga pala niya ako hinahalikan because she wants to demoralize Ashley.

She just showed her that I am hers. And I so goddy love it na hindi ko na nga mabilang kung ilang beses ko na finlashback sa utak ko.

"Gusto mo ba ng gatas?" she asked at pinatong sa dibdib ko yung ulo niya. I started playing with her hair habang inaamoy yun

"Nope. I just want to watch you sleep" pagtanggi ko dahil ayoko siyang mahiwalay sakin kahit sandali lang. One hour na lang ang natitirang oras bago ako umalis at bumalik na sa apartment ko para makapaghanda for school.

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