kinky :: zjm

eleven

Z A Y N

i had to see her. i had to put my own pride, and ego aside and go see my princess.

this was my only hope if i intended to feel her warmth against me again, as i held her in my arms. i wasn't even asking for sex. i wasn't asking for any kind of kinky s.hit. i was asking to love her, and make her feel loved.

i threw on a pair of sweat pants, and a sweatshirt, and ran downstairs, and out my door.

S P E N C E R

"mom, i'm going out" i said, grabbing my coat.

"and where are you going?"

"out. i literally just said that"

"who p.issed on your parade?"

"no one mom. can i go now?"

"you've not been very happy lately. are you sure that you don't want to talk to me?"

i shrugged, and looked down at my fingernails. "i met this guy. he's really nice, mom. he has these brown eyes, and really dark hair. he's so handsome, and he has a heart of gold. we've only gone out two times, mom. the other times that i've seen him have been at school when he accidentally bumps into me" i giggled.

my mom laughed, light heartily. "so why are you so un-happy then?"

"its just that, in the few days that i've spent with him, i'm just really confused about everything. mom, when i'm with him, i feel free. and i feel like i matter to him, you know?"

i smiled, thinking about our accidental meeting, the first time he bumped into me at school. i didn't even know what i was getting in to at that point. but right now, i knew that i wouldn't change he and i for anything.

"but we got in an..." i paused. i had two choices. a) lie, and save my a.ss from persecution, or b) die. i chose, choice a, being that, i wanted to live to see that day that zayn shows up on my doorstep, prepared to take me. "...argument, and i haven't talked to him, haven't seen him in twenty-two days, mom. i feel like i'm going mental"

"aw, sweetie, first crushes are always hard to get over. especially adolescent boys. they'll tell you anything that you want to hear, just to get you alone"

i wrinkled my nose at 'adolescent boys'.

"well mom" i laughed nervously. "he is not exactly an adolescent...or a boy"

"so what are you saying?"

"well, i just, um, i think now is an appropriate time for me to leave. bye mom!" i hurried out of the kitchen, but stopped as my mom called after me.

"spencer faye dawson, how old is this 'not so seemingly young' man?" my mother demanded.

"he-" i was cut off by the doorbell.

'saved by the bell' i breathed, opening the front door, and seeing dave standing awkwardly.

"howdy there, davie' i smiled.

"hello, spencer"

"you're here to see my mom, yes?"

he nodded, smiling. i ushered him into the house, and got him some coffee to drink.

"momma, dave is here" i yelled, up the stairs.

"i'll be down in just a second"

i took this as my opportunity to leave, before my mother could interrorgate me further. i looked at dave, and gave him a hopeful smile, as i grabbed my jacket, and cell phone.

"put her in a better mood for me, yeah?"

he smirked, and winked at me. "you got it" he stood from his sitting position, and made his way upstairs, and into my moms room.

i giggled as i closed the door, the smile soon falling from my lips. why be happy? there was no point in it. if i didnt have zayn, smiling wasnt worth it.

i started walking, out of habit, towards zayn's house. i didnt know if he'd be there or not, but i just wanted to see him. i just had to see him.

i started thinking of things to say, how to start a converation with him. i came up with several different scenarios, and conversations, but none of them sounded good enough.

maybe i could just shove him up against a wall, and kiss the h.ell out of him? i suggested to myself, then scoffed. you're such a retard. you couldnt move him if you tried. you have a hard enough time carrying your school books you dumba.ss.

i mentally scolded myself for such prude thoughts, looking at the ground as i walked.

i then looked up, and saw a familiar face. the same face that i had missed so much.

i stood awkwardly, as he stared at me. the clouds building in the sky, and the small drops of rain beginning to fall.

"hi" he whispered.

i swallowed hard. "zayn"

"i'm sorry" he said, looking at the ground then back at me.

"you are such a jerk" i scolded.

he looked back at the ground, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"look at me when i'm talking to you!"

he looked up, tears starting to fill his eyes.

why the h.ell would you not call? why would you not come see me? so many questions filled my mind, at once, sending me into a frenzy of which one to ask first. then it came to me. i didnt have to be rude, i just wanted to show him that i missed him, and that i wanted him, and needed him.

"i'm so sorry" he said, his voice cracking as a single tear slid down his cheek.

"why havent you kissed me yet?" i asked, dropping my arms to my sides.

he looked at me, curiously.

"i didnt think that you'd want me to"

"what are you waiting for?" i asked, staring deeply into his eyes.

"i dont do romance" he said as he leaned down slowly.

"neither do i" i said, standing on my toes, kissing his lips, gently, and passionately.

there was that feeling again. the one of excitement, and love. but love was the one thing that often killed. but right here in this moment, i didnt care. i would risk anything for him