Letting You Go

Chapter Two

I was in anguish. Not only had I been lied to, but I had been played. He messed with my heart and head, told me how much He cared for me and I gave my heart to Him, only for Him to use it and break it. But that wasn’t even the end. There is so, so much more and it only gets worse. 
    I spent the next week or two a shell of myself once again. I sank into yet another depression, I couldn’t smile, couldn’t eat and every morning I woke up with a stomach ache that had me dry heaving and sometimes throwing up. My anxiety had taken over my entire body and left me nothing of who I was. I unblocked Him after a while, and I didn’t expect Him to come back. I wish He wouldn’t have. I wish I was strong enough to not let Him come back but I wasn’t. That night He added me back and I was left stunned. I almost cried with the emotions I was feeling. I added Him back as well and told Him He’d better explain everything to me. He didn’t get back with me until the next morning. He told me He had mental illnesses, and He thought I was cheating on Him with my ex, which I had explained to Him many times was impossible because of the circumstances. He vowed to me that He was sorry for everything He did, that He couldn't stop thinking about me, that He would look in my direction and wish me to come back every morning. I wanted to feel loved so badly that I let Him come back instantly. I acted angrily, but in reality, I was so glad that He came back. 
    That day was wonderful. I felt so much better than I had in the previous week or so. I told all my friends that He was back, and they were not happy with me, especially because of what happened. They told me to not let Him come back under any circumstances but I couldn’t help myself. He had a tight grip on me, and I couldn’t get out. I knew how awful He was, I also knew that most likely He would turn on me again and treat me like nothing. I chose to forget everything and just be happy that He was back. That day was one of His little brother’s birthdays, so He couldn’t facetime me that night. It didn’t matter to me because at least I was talking to Him again.
    The next day He was...off. He told me that something happened to Him, but He wouldn’t tell me what. (I also found out later that He had a girl and she was trying to ruin His reputation if He continued to talk to me). Eventually later that day He told me He only wanted to be friends. He didn’t want a relationship with me. Once again, my heart broke into a million little pieces. I started to hyperventilate, my anxiety immediately taking over my body until I started to fall into what seemed another world, where none of this was happening. I convinced myself that He would come around eventually, tell me what happened, and say that He loved me. He never did. That day  I tried to be as happy as I could, telling Him I was there for Him, that He could tell me anything and that I would wait for Him. He responded to me in only anger, making me feel worse than I already did. He told me there was no chance of us ever happening because He didn’t want me. One of the last things He said to me that night was about hell, that He’d already seen it, that I shouldn’t joke about it. I left Him and went to bed. The next day He told me He wanted to block me because He didn’t like me anymore. I couldn’t take the heartbreak anymore and unadded Him before He could say anything else. I hurt so much because of Him, and the things that He had chosen to do. I still haven’t even reached the worst part, the part that inspired me to write this.