Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 12

"Have you ever considered a career as a motivational speaker?"

It was Terri's turn to roll her eyes then, "regardless, whoever it is that you keep coming here and talking about, I promise that's what he sees,"

Louis huffed out an annoyed sigh, and rolled his eyes, "whatever,"

They were both silent for a moment until Terri spoke. Louis kept his eyes on the ceiling, "You know, it amazes me that you expect me to know everything and still hold some of it back. You want me to tell you how you feel, but you don't want me to keep bringing whoever you've met up. Why?"

"I never told you I met anyone,"

"Irrelevant, because you have. I just don't understand why you won't talk to me about it,"

Louis wasn't about to say anything. He didn't want to talk about Harry with her, and he couldn't really explain that. He didn't want to put pressure on things. He didn't want her to expect anything of him. He didn't want her to be disappointed if he ruined it. He just wanted it to be.

Terri let out a long sigh, "at least tell me his name, Louis. Give me something,"

Louis chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment, deciding whether or not he wanted to say anything, "Harry,"

Terri smiled then, like just hearing the name had cleared something up for her, and he didn't really get it. "Are you and Harry dating?"

Louis nearly choked on his tongue as he laughed at the words she'd said, "Uh, no. We're sort of friends,"

"Sort of?"

"He's my lab partner. We've been hanging out a bit,"

Terri smiled, and something sparkled in her eyes that reminded him of Lottie when she watched him and Harry together. It was so strange to have so many people standing in his corner and hoping that he'd do something right. Harry was a great choice, he knew that. The only issue with their friendship was the question of why Harry wanted it. Louis would be a fool to let it go, but it didn't change that he still didn't understand it.

"Good,"

Louis nodded once, feeling like he was pretty much ready for Terri to move on. She read him well, and her next words had nothing to do with Harry, and he was thankful for that.

"Have you seen Matt?"

"I have,"

"Tell me about that. Is it different to see him now?"

"I mean," Louis inhaled. He knew this was why he was here. He was here because of the people in his life who had helped him get as fucked up as he was, and he was supposed to talk about it. Terri was supposed to be the person he did that with, but it still wasn't easy. He still cared what she thought, "yes and no. He's the same,"

"But you're not,"

Louis nodded once, because he was just now beginning to realize that maybe he wasn't the same. Maybe Terri was right and it wasn't the world that had changed. Maybe Louis was finally, against every odd that had been stacked against him, on the right track. He didn't know how he felt about that.

"How does Harry feel about Matt?"

Louis could feel the barriers being erected in his mind. He wanted to block this. He wanted to stop Terri from asking questions about this, because he wasn't really ready to answer them. He wasn't really prepared to have someone get so close to him. It was horrifying. But he fought against it, because whether he said it out loud or not, she seemed to know everything, and there was something to be said for at least having the control to be the one who said it.