Save Myself // Larry Stylinson

Chapter 8

"What's her name?" Asked Louis as Harry walked from behind the counter and gestured to one of the tables.

"Gemma," he said, smiling and leading Louis to the table.

Louis put down his coffee and took a seat. He couldn't really believe that after everything he'd gone through that day that he'd somehow wound up sitting here at Harry's work, sipping coffee and chatting like this was a normal occurrence in his life. He didn't hate it... it was just strange and unfamiliar and he was far beyond his comfort zone (did he even have a comfort zone?).

"She's older," said Harry, unprompted, "and she left for uni in London a few years ago. I never stopped missing her, though. She's the best big sister,"

Louis smiled, because everything about Harry was sweet, wasn't it? He loved his sister in a way that seemed pretty foreign to Louis. He was learning, maybe, but it didn't come natural to him the way it did to Harry. If he was honest, Louis didn't really know what to do with an emotion like that. He'd never felt something about anyone that went that deep. His whole life had been and endless struggle to hold on. It seemed so basic, but there wasn't a single person out there that had given him a reason to consider anything more. He'd tried so hard to just let go of any expectation he had. Love was something that was a complete mystery to Louis. He'd never felt it and he'd never had it given to him.

And then here was Harry, gushing over how easily it all came to him. Louis wasn't sure if it was jealousy or rotten loneliness that sunk into his gut--but it burned.

"What about Lottie, how old is she?"

Louis pulled himself out of his thoughts and braved a glance at Harry's eyes, "thirteen,"

"So are you the oldest?"

Louis nodded once. He really hated this topic but he didn't know how to steer it.

Harry was quiet for a moment, just watching Louis thoughtfully. Harry's intuition was fantastic and he jumped to a new subject quickly.

"She seems a lot like you," Harry was watching Lottie, now.

Harry probably meant nothing by the comment and Louis wanted to let it slide, but he also really didn't want Harry to think so little of his sister. They were nothing alike. Louis was a fucked up train-wreck of a person, constantly making wrong choice after wrong choice and Lottie was anything but that.

"No, not at all,"

Harry frowned, "that's not a bad thing, I'm just observing. She likes to read like you,"

"Chill out, Louis," Lottie called from her table. She got up quickly, clearly seeing that Louis had doomed the conversation with his perpetual stormcloud of a brain. She pulled out the chair next to Louis and sat down, "I don't think he's trying to insult you,"

Harry was shaking his head back and forth aggressively.

"But yeah," said Lottie, "Louis has always loved reading, as long as I can remember," and what was Lottie doing? "And I wanted to be like him, so I started. He reads to me a lot, and that's even better,"

Harry's smile was so fond, so genuine and Louis realized that he was blushing aggressively. He wanted to be a million different places other than this spot that had him the centre of attention. But he also wanted to do anything but disappoint Harry. He was stuck.

Lottie was acting like it had been more than three weeks that they'd been siblings. She was making Louis sound much better than he actually was.

"Gemma did that for me too, when I was little,"