Lacuna

Chapter 19

"It's not that simple," Kahli said. She sighed. "He's in the Corps. He's trying to get into the Flying Pigs. And when he does, he'll have to leave."

"So, go with him."

"It's kind of a job best suited for single people that can up and leave whenever they need to." She hesitated. "He knows that. He would never put someone through that."

"But is that what he said?"

"Yes."

"You talked about it?" Her brows raised.

"Not like that," Kahli said quickly. "I... kinda talked to Nora about it."

"Woah, woah, wait. When did this happen?"

"Last week."

"You gotta give me details," Emily pressed.

"She just... asked me if we were together."

"Why would she ask that?"

"Because apparently she asked Arlo out and he rejected her," Kahli blurted out.

"Woah." Emily turned this over for a moment. "Why would he reject her?"

Kahli shrugged. "I guess that's what Nora wanted to know. She thought we were... a thing, so that was why. But then went on to say that there probably wouldn't have been a future for them, anyway, because of the Flying Pigs and all. So, if he rejected her for that reason, obviously that would apply to me, too." The worlds felt like they all tumbled out of her mouth and she sucked in a breath and blew her hair out of her face.

Emily exhaled loudly. "Well, that's shitty. I thought you guys would be cute together."

"Doesn't matter," Kahli said. She turned away and walked out of the plaza, but Emily kept at her side.

Emily frowned. "Yes it does. You like him."

"Welcome to life, Em. Nobody gets what they want."

"Well, you're a downer."

"I'm just being honest with myself," she said. "Why get my hopes up for something that'll never happen?"

"So, what? You're just going to be an old maid living alone here forever?"

"No," Kahli started. "When I'm done here, maybe I'll do some traveling." She shrugged. "I dunno."

Emily's gaze narrowed on her. "When you're done here?"

"Not for nothing, but there isn't really anything here for me. I only came because my father left me the workshop. And I don't even know why I bothered with that."

"Wow," Emily muttered. "You have friends here, you know."

"I guess."

"You guess?"

"I just mean," Kahli started, growing flustered. "I've never had much of a purpose. I've never done anything with my life. I have no skills. I have nothing going for me. I don't even have a boyfriend. I'll probably die alone. I'm really just a waste of space if we're being honest."

Emily frowned. "Is that really what you think?"

Kahli sighed. "No. I dunno. Maybe."

"You've helped everyone here a lot since you came here," Emily said. "I mean, you built a damn bridge your first week."

"If I didn't, Higgins would have," Kahli pointed out.

"You basically saved the tree farm. Higgins wouldn't have done that."

Kahli shrugged. "Someone would have stepped up."

"Fine. But don't tell me you don't have any skills. You've taught yourself so much since you came here. That's something."

"Maybe. But it's not how I want to spend my life."

"Then what do you want?"

It was a loaded question. One Kahli had never really had an answer too. "I don't know," she admitted. "I guess, really, I just... wanted someone who wouldn't walk out on me."

"And you want to walk out on us."

Kahli frowned. "Well, when you put it that way..."

They stopped in front of her house and Emily pushed herself up onto the fence.

"Look," Emily started. "Maybe Arlo's not the one. Whatever. Not a big deal. Plenty of fish in the sea, right?"

"I'll never find them if I hide out here," Kahli said.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Maybe," she said. "I just think you're stuck in this runaway mindset of yours. Why don't you wait it out and see what happens? People come to Portia all the time, and people leave Portia. You could have a life here if you wanted to."

"What if I find something better? Are you really going to feel betrayed if I left?"

Emily frowned. "We're friends. Of course I'd be upset if you left. But... it would be easier if I knew you were leaving to follow your dreams or something. If I knew you were going to be happy. Not if you're just afraid of sticking around and decide to wander around aimlessly for the rest of your life."

Kahli crossed her arms, prepared with a stubborn remark. "What if wandering around aimlessly makes me happy?"

The corner of Emily's lips pulled up in a crooked smile. "You're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"I've been told that once or twice."

"Can you just hang around here a little while longer?" She smiled. "I like having you around." She shrugged. "And you're right. Maybe it is just a crush and it'll pass. So, let it pass and move on, right?"

"Maybe," Kahli said.

Emily hopped off the fence and pointed at her. "Don't make me recruit the Corps to post watch on this place," she said, narrowing her gaze on Kahli. "Don't need you running off in the middle of the night. I will hunt you down if you do."

"It would be that adventure you've always wanted."

Emily considered this, her head cocked slightly. "True. But I can't do it right now. Granny needs my help around here. So, if you want to take off, can you at least wait a little bit?"

Kahli grinned. "Deal."