Star-Crossed

Chapter 38

“Thorin!” His head whipped around, looking for the source of the scream. He found it, and was surprised to see who it belonged to. Beuren was pinned to the ground, fighting hard against the impossible strength of a troll. He rushed to help her, slicing at the back of its heel. It yelped, hopping backwards. She drew herself to her feet, hurrying towards him.

“Bilbo!” They both heard Kili shout from beside them. Thorin grabbed the front of his nephew’s shirt.

“No.” He barked. Two of the three trolls had the Hobbit by his limbs, ready to pull.

“Lay down your arms, or we’ll rip his off!” One troll barked. Thorin looked conflicted.

“I can get one of them.” He heard a voice in his ear, the outline of an arrow against his back. “Thorin…” Beuren breathed. “Say the word.” The dwarf looked up at the burglar, he didn’t like him, but he wasn’t going to let him die. Thorin dropped his blade. Kili saw this, throwing his to the ground like a five year old during a tantrum. Everyone else dropped their weapons.

“Drop it.”

“Thorin…”

“I’m not going to risk his life, drop your arrow.” With a groan, she tossed her arrow aside, dropping the bow.

Beuren was lying on her stomach, Kili sitting on her legs and back, Bilbo was propped up against her shoulder, Fili beside her, looked equally as happy. The trolls were conversing, trying to figure out how to cook them. Yes, cook them. Several of the dwarves were tied on a spit above a fire, being turned as if they were a boar with an apple in its mouth. Squashing them into jelly had already been passed over, now they were speaking of sautéing and grilling them with sage, how delicious.

“Never mind the seasoning; we ain’t got all night! Dawn ain’t far away, so let’s get a move on. I don’t fancy being turned to stone.” Bilbo’s head perked up, he glanced around the company. Struggling to his feet, he got the attention of the Trolls.

“Wait! You are making a terrible mistake.” Bilbo argued.

“You can’t reason with them, they’re half-wits!” Dori cried over the fire.

“Half-wits? What does that make us?” Bofur said, earning a snort from Beuren that was muffled by the dirt below.

“Uh, I meant with the, uh, with, uh, with the seasoning.” Bilbo explained.

“What about the seasoning?” The cooking dwarf asks curiously.

“Well, have you smelt them? You’re going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up.” The dwarves went mad. Accusing him of being a traitor, and all sorts of fun names in their language, several of the ones in sacks tried to kick at him.

“What do you know about cooking dwarf?” The second Troll barked in annoyance.

“Shut up, and let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit talk.” The first one had what could have been a smile on his face, leaning closer to Bilbo to hear his advice.

“Uh, th--the secret to cooking dwarf is, um--” The company was silent, staring at Bilbo with an intensity that he couldn’t fathom.

“Yes? Come on.

“It’s, uh--” Bilbo was struggling, hurrying to find something that made sense and would be believable.

“Tell us the secret.” The troll snapped iritadedly.

“Ye--yes, I’m telling you, the secret is … to skin them first!” Bilbo said, adding a fake smile for effect, jumping sideways to avoid any further kicks to the shins.

“Tom, get me the filleting knife.” The troll said, holding out his hand. Dwalin was outraged, tossing a few threats at the Hobbit, which Bilbo ignored, hurrying to find something else to stall them with. 

“What a load of rubbish! I’ve eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and all.”

“'e’s right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy.” The third Troll reached forward, grabbing Bombur by his feet. Bombur started struggling. The company started yelling.

“Not--not that one, he--he’s infected!” Bombur and the troll both looked at the Hobbit in surprise.

“You what?”

“Yeah! He’s got…worms in his… tubes.” The Hobbit grimaced. The troll threw Bombur onto the pile of dwarves, where he landed square in the middle, crushing several others and earning a few curses from Beuren.

“In--in fact they all have, they’re in--infested with parasites. It’s a terrible business; I wouldn’t risk it, I really wouldn’t.” Bilbo sounded much more confident, almost persuading the Trolls… till the dwarves opened their mouths that is.

“Parasites? Did his say parasites?” Oin asked no one in particular.

“We don’t have parasites! You have parasites!” Kili shot back, delving deep down to his inner five year old for the comeback.

“What are you talking about laddie?!” Gloin growled. Thorin caught on, Beuren did to but she was pinned under her nephew and Bombur so she wasn’t able to stick up for him. Thorin kicked Kili, getting everyone’s attention. They all looked at him, then Bilbo, then the Trolls.

“I’ve got parasites as big as my arm!” Oin corrected.

“Mine are the biggest parasites! I have huge parasites!” Kili added. After everyone agreed that they had parasites, Bilbo turned back to the Trolls.

“What would you have us do, then, let ‘em all go?”

“Well…” Bilbo said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“You think I don’t know what you’re up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!”

“Ferret?!” Bilbo snapped, offended.

“Fools?!”

“The dawn will take you all!” A voice boomed. Everyone looked up. Gandalf, in all his amazingness, stood atop a large boulder.

“Who is that?” Troll one.

“No idea.”

“Can we eat him too?” Gandalf brought his staff down upon the stone, cracking it in two. A stream of golden light flooded the clearing. The trolls howled, writhing in pain, trying to hide themselves from the sunlight. After a moment, they were still, stiff as stone… well they were stone. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Gandalf helped the hobbit out of his bonds, congratulating him with a small wink. The wizard and Bilbo set to freeing the dwarves and Beuren. Thorin was freed first; he set to helping the others in the pile while Gandalf and Bilbo got them off the spit. When he came to his nephew he smirked, cutting the rope and helping him up and out of the sack.