You know, I shouldn't be surprised that a lot of things are always happening to me. Im a pro at having pain, feeling it more often than other people might do, anxiety is also a big thing, and then there's a lot more. This week, I thought I was doing fine. Yes, I had a lot of physical pain, but all in all I managed to do everything that had to be done. But today I got a call... bad news were coming up to me. I started crying, because I know how hard that process will be. It will be sucking up time I actually need for me to heal. All that time, I was just trying to get along with everything, I was fighting myself through it. I feel like all the weeks, months, years were for nothing. Likewise meaningless. I am just tired of knowing there won't be time to actually breath, to just let go. 2021 was supposed to be a year where I could find my self again, try to figure things out..the first time in like all my 16 years, a year that belongs to me. A year that is only about me, because people used to suck everything out of me, and didn't leave any drops or crumbs of me. I wanted to love myself again, because that got taken away from me too. But now it turns out I probably won't. The reason I started crying was, because I couldn't tell if I could make it.. what If I don't?... Will my parents be disapointed...
right now: this is what's going through my head. I knew it would come, but I was trying to reject it. I was trying so hard for it to be not real, that It actually became real. While I was worrying for it to become real, it got all the time it needed to actually become real. But it made me realise something: What ever you are going through right now. It will become better, and you will make it. Because anything is possible if you actually just work for it. It sounds hard, but having people around you who love and support you, makes you stronger. Everything happens for a reason, so God decided to help me this way. I now see it. I know, it will be hard for me, but I will make it. Because I am strong, and I've lived through a lot worser than I expected me to live in.
